Unintended
by madame-werewolf
Summary: Lara Graham never thought she'd have a crush on a teacher. She scoffed at her friends for it... But she hadn't banked on meeting Remus Lupin. Bit of an unrequited lovestory really. Not sure how long it's going to end up, depends on success! Please R&R!
1. Beginnings

Lara Graham had never had a crush on a teacher before. She had thought it foolish the way girls had simpered over Lockhart last year, and her friend Rebecca's inexcusable attraction to Snape was just sickening and wrong.

"I'm not claiming he's a nice man; I just think there's something very sexy about him in a dark, mysterious way!" was the repeated argument they'd had at least 5 times a week since third year. She had always maintained he was a far better alternative to the young wizards they knew – argued especially vociferously when such specimens were present.

True enough, Lara had never been too drawn to any of the boys at the school either, and did see the merits of an older man. Yet she never supposed for a minute she would fall for one, least of all a teacher.

But she hadn't counted on Remus Lupin entering into her life. The ever-respectable and increasingly fantastic Lupin; who she would fall utterly and foolishly in love with.

For better or worse.

Returning for her sixth year at Hogwarts, Lara was painfully aware she was going to have to pull her finger out at last. Her OWL exams had not been anywhere near as successful as they should have been for one reason or the other, and now that the preparation for NEWTs was to begin she knew she was going to have to buck up her ideas. Especially if she was to come out of her education with anything close to what she deserved.

These thoughts were still going through her head at 90 miles per hour as the students assembled for the start-of-term Feast, and she was only dragged away from them when Dumbledore stood up to address the assembled hordes. She had loved his speeches since First Year, but this year's had a darker tone, what with the escape of Sirius Black and its connotations. That was just her luck. Just when she needed cheering up she was given even more to worry about.

What did spark her interest however was the announcement of two new teachers. Firstly there was a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher – naturally, after Lockhart was both revealed as a fraud and got tangled up in one of Potter's misadventures in the same day. Also, Gamekeeper Hagrid was taking over Care of Magical Creatures. Fair enough, she thought. As this was not a subject that she was taking, the news was not particularly relevant, but she had always been fond of Hagrid and he did look well chuffed.

Professor Lupin however was all new - and a greatly intriguing character. He appeared very pleasant; a tall, quiet-looking man who at distance looked much older than his strong presence would suggest. She noted that he had a nice smile, but looked a bit rough around the edges, in his worn robes and scruffy greying hair. It was hard to figure him out, as she was so fond of doing, but there was plenty of time for that. Joining in with the spatter of applause, she continued to watch him as faces around her lit up with the excitement of food arriving. It made her chuckle to notice him smirking at Professor Snape, causing the Potions Master to scowl, sit up straighter in his high-backed chair and pointedly turn away. 'History' she decided to herself with her own smirk, taking a mental note to keep watch on that situation. Eventually, following Lupin's lead, she returned her attention to the people around her, discussing casually the summer's events with Becs and Simon, sat opposite her.

"I was barely allowed out of the house after it happened!" Rebecca said with a scowl. "Mum was all, 'Sirius Black this, mass murderer that! I don't see what all the fuss is about. I mean, he's not gonna come for us is he?! Besides, he's pretty damn hot too…" She broke off at this point to turn at look wistfully at Snape. Lara followed her dreamy gaze, amused to see that the object of her friend's affections was still casting the odd look of loathing down the table towards Professor Lupin. She pretended to scoff at Rebecca's suggestion about Black, but as much as she hated agreeing with her friend, he really did have potential.

Being Muggle born she had very little exposure to his story, but from the pictures she had seen she imagined he would have been very handsome prior to his imprisonment in Azkaban. Almost in a rock star kind of way, she thought, imagining a poster of him on her wall: unruly beard gone and replaced by rugged stubble… and with freshly cut hair and a bit more meat on his bones… and grinning… She stopped her train of thought. There she went again, drifting into her own little world. Dragging herself back to conversation, which had now turned to Prefect duties, she wished she had continued on her daydreams.

She remembered the equivalent of this conversation last year; the excitement of her closest friends at being chosen as Prefects, their embarrassment when they realised she hadn't… Of course Lara never expected to receive a badge in the post, what with the way her mind was set up. It wasn't surprising to her that the bossy if overly idealistic Becs had received one though, or that the intellectual, sensible Simon had.

"Well done guys," she had smiled, before joking that they better not get ideas above their station and start bossing her about. They still weren't entirely sure that she didn't mind being left out of this elite club, but at least were openly talking about their jobs now. The conversation remained more jovial until the end of dinner when her pals had to rush off to see to the Ravenclaw first years.

She didn't mind walking to her dormitory alone, and did so humming to herself contentedly, stopping only to say hello to the popular fifth year Cedric Diggory, who was ushering the Hufflepuff first years towards their own common room. He was one of the few boys she ever saw anything in at the school and returned her greetings warmly.

She reached her room before any of the others, and sat looking out of the window at the lake. The grounds were beautiful by moonlight, and she had a fantastic view from the top of the tower. The reflection of the crescent moon shimmered and rippled on the surface of the lake, as large bat-like birds skimmed across it.

Reflecting on one of her favourite sights, Lara sighed with the ease of her situation. Whatever might be ahead in the coming year, right now it didn't matter. She was home.


	2. The First Lesson

The first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson of the year was traditionally a big eye-opener one way or the other. In previous years it had often been an alarming pre-warning about the work that lay ahead, whereas last year it had been a worrying realisation that the year would bring a different challenge; that of a largely incompetent, vain and altogether too happy teacher. This year was no different in the revelation stakes. For no greater or lesser reason that that it sparked off the beginning of a rollercoaster ride of emotions and confusion for Lara. Nonetheless, although she'd never admit it to anyone, secretly – on the good days – she wouldn't change it for the world.

As his students filed into his new base, Remus Lupin wondered for the thousandth time what he was doing. Why had he agreed to this? The only teaching experience he'd had in his life consisted of tutoring Peter occasionally and explaining to James and Sirius the odd overly-complicated mischievous spell. No doubt the vast array of advanced spells he had learnt by the time he was sixteen was a contributing factor in Dumbledore inviting him to take the post. He had certainly made a point of drawing on past "experience", and the twinkle in the eye of the old man implied he was not referring to experience battling Death Eaters either.

Nonetheless, Lupin had spent so much of the summer worrying about the dangers of what he was doing that he had barely considered what to teach. Today's first lesson was with two houses of sixth years, and seeing as they were embarking on an important two years, he knew he had to start strong. So, a brief, half-scary introduction to prepare them for what was ahead and find out what they already knew, then straight in at the deep end. Literally, he decided. They would go down to the lake and explore and discuss the potential dangers and how to be safe from them. No spells just yet of course, but at least it would be a practical lesson. No sitting around reading textbooks and taking copious notes.

He thought especially of Sirius when he considered this; how he had shirked book-learning, preferring to "learn-by-doing" and how he always would suck up to Remus for guidance during exam season.

Damn it.

Thinking of Sirius again.

Being back at Hogwarts was going to make his ongoing internal struggle regarding his old friend all the harder. And especially now that he was on the run. Remus retained a niggling irritation that kept raising its smirking head and challenging him.

It's Sirius.

You _know_ Sirius.

Surely, _surely_ he couldn't have done it?

Lupin banged his fist on the desk, livid with himself for allowing his mind to travel down that well-worn path yet again. Every set of eyes in the now full classroom looked at him in amazement.

Great! _Brilliant_!

Now they think you're insane.

_Fantastic_ start, Moony.

He silently scolded himself and attempted a reassuring smile before embarking upon his welcome speech.

As it turned out, despite interrupted progress for the past couple of years, the sixth years actually did know more than Lupin would have expected from them. Their OWL results were quite good too. Several had even achieved an Outstanding grade, despite Lockhart's best efforts to the contrary. And nobody, Lupin was glad to discover, had completely flunked the course, so they would all be starting on a relatively level playing field. He chatted casually about what they would be going through that year; making half of it up as he went along, naturally. Perhaps it wasn't going to be all that difficult after all, this teaching lark. Regardless, he remained rather shy when so many eyes were focused on him and as such – despite his confident orating – avoided eye contact with the pupils as far as possible. He continued this as far as he could through the lesson, but when questions were asked he ensured he looked directly at the speaker, so as not to appear overly shifty. There was a fine line between acting enigmatic and being overtly aloof.

Lara spent much of the lesson in silence, attempting to get the measure of Professor Lupin. Turned out he was a man who kept his cards very close to his chest, though whether this was intentional or a subconscious defence mechanism she could not determine. He was, as expected, rather quiet and certainly well-spoken and educated, but was far from shy and retiring. He commanded the classroom with his presence and mannerisms more than his words, but they too were absorbing.

Close up he didn't look particularly old either, considerably less so than at the feast. There were more heavy grey flecks in his sandy brown, roughly styled hair than his apparent age warranted. Under the pretence of attentive listening, Lara regarded the details of his face.

A slight crook to the angular nose was not the only imperfection she picked up on. There were two rather large and prominent scars, one of which - across the lower side of his right cheek – was somewhat obscured by the short stubble around his chin. The other stretched horizontally from the centre of his forehead, with a slope down to the left eyebrow. Whatever had caused that one had come dangerously close to his eye, cutting across his eyebrow and ending just short of the eyelid.

A strong jaw was somehow emphasised rather than detracted from by the unkempt, but not at all grey, hair that covered it, and his eyes…

Well, she imagined his eyes to be the most striking, seminal feature. But she was unable to catch hold of them to judge. He didn't seem to look at anyone directly in fact, until they were addressing him, but from the glimpses Lara did see they surely held a kindly disposition, a hazel-brown in colour with golden-orange tinges that caught the light as he looked about.

_Look at me_, she urged silently, hoping a direct contact with those elusive eyes would prove decisive in formulating her opinion of him. An opinion on his appearance, at the very least; it was too early yet to determine much more. Although perhaps, just perhaps, looking into those unsettled eyes would provide a doorway into something much deeper.

His battle scars implied some sort of fascinating background, perhaps involving combat experience, which excited her slightly. Yet he remained a riddle, this Mr Lupin. His expressive eyebrows and frequent subtle smile painted him as a decent and personable stamp of a man, but there were problematic characteristics that could not be ignored. The scars, the unshaven chin, the tattered look and the almost shifty aversion to eye contact all galvanised these queries…

Lara frowned slightly as she continued to observe him. Despite these troublesome wonderings, there was definitely something that didn't quite add up about the combination of her teacher's furtive movements, steady voice and enigmatic manner. Rather than alarming her however, this merely served to make her all the more intrigued and determined to unravel the mystery those eyes did not want her to discover.


	3. A Perculiar Intrigue

Remus considered his lake-based lesson to be quite a success; at least the students hadn't appeared to be too bored and some had even been quite enthusiastic. The majority of the Ravenclaws were living up to their house's reputation with intelligent and insightful comments and questions, and the Gryffindors also seemed a likeable, interested bunch. He couldn't quite decide whether he was relieved or disappointed to see that there weren't really any troublemakers in the group. He felt sure that even as serious sixth years he and his friends would not have wasted the opportunities presented by a new teacher _and_ being out of the classroom. What was the youth of today coming to?

He had more entertainment to come though, if rumours were to be believed. Arthur Weasley's fifth-year twins were said to be a handful which the marauder in him could not help but anticipate eagerly, even though the newly-recruited teacher side of him should be worried. Of more significance though was encountering Harry Potter properly. It should be most interesting to discover whether he was alike to James in lessons as well as in looks and on the Quidditch pitch. Seeing him on the train had been a startling blast from the past, such were the striking similarities between father and son. Again, it just didn't do to be dwelling on his own schooldays, as invariably such thoughts led back to the same, smirking, common denominator wherever he started out.

"You're gonna have to get over this if you want to last the year!" he said to himself angrily, not caring for once if he was overheard or not.

* * *

Lara too had been suitably satisfied with the lesson. The determination to understand her Professor that had captivated her during the first half of Defence Against the Dark Arts was replaced with a genuine interest in what he was teaching in the second half. He was certainly a captivating man, speaking just as much with his eyebrows and his hands as he did with his voice; a quality that Lara definitely admired, being herself much the same.

So she listened.

She paid attention a lot more than usual and as the lesson ended she felt fairly good about herself. It felt as though she had actually got something out of the lesson for once, and as if perhaps this year wasn't going to be as difficult as she initially thought. If she could carry this level of concentration into her other subjects then her moderate OWL grades could well be bumped up for her NEWTs, which she had never imagined possible.

… If only Snape, Binns and the rest were as absorbing. On second thoughts, it might not be so easy after all!

After class had been dismissed, Simon and Rebecca rushed off to get some lunch as they had a prefects' meeting to attend before much longer but, rather than go with them, Lara opted to stay out by the lake for a while. She wasn't feeling particularly hungry for a change and she fancied getting reacquainted with the grounds after what seemed like an impossibly long summer. Immediately it felt as though she had never been away, and as with every year, Lara was infinitely glad of this.

The rest of the day was a bit of a non-starter. Lara herself only had one lesson after the lunch hour that she had spent dawdling around the Hogwarts field. It was History of Magic, and due to the seating plan the Professor Binns insisted on implementing a whole four years ago – and had probably by now forgotten about – Lara was sat with a Hufflepuff lad who was often asleep. As such the lesson was even duller than it might have been had she been sat with friends; and more annoyingly, she couldn't pool thoughts with Bec about the day so far – more specifically, their new teacher.

This continued into the afternoon and evening. Only a brief "see you later" was exchanged with any of her acquaintances after History of Magic as they all shuffled off to their next lessons. Lara had a free period and was unwilling to do any homework on their first day so instead turned to the library for occupation. It was unusual for her to be this conscientious even but it was raining and the Ravenclaw common room was deserted so it was her best chance of stimulation. There might even have been somebody there to talk to, rare though it was to find anybody desirable in the library at the best of times.

Not surprisingly, the library too was deserted aside from Madam Pince, who Lara suspected was sneakily sleeping behind a pile of books, and two very serious looking final year students who looked as though they'd been poring over books since the moment they arrived back at school. With a grimace at the thought that she would shortly look equally studious she took her time selecting a relevant book. The History of Magic lesson had been on 19th century dragon sightings by muggles and considering how little of the lecturing she had absorbed, it seemed fitting to do some background reading. Dull, perhaps… but at least there might be some interesting stuff about the dragons, even if not the muggles.

As it turned out _Dragon-Spotting for Muggles and Ignoramuses_ did have some good content, even if she did drift off-topic somewhat to a chapter about less-than-intelligent wizards and witches who had come a cropper in dealing with "innocent" or "misunderstood" dragons. The hour passed by remarkably quickly and the tranquillity of the library inspired her to stay some time longer and continue her dragon enlightenment. It was roughly an hour and a quarter later when the highlight of the afternoon occurred.

Professor Snape had been skirting around the library for some time, looking distracted and seemingly spending more time glaring at the increased number of students than looking at books. Lara had caught his eye a couple of times, and smiled sweetly in a way that she knew annoyed him, but that he could not condemn her for. It seemed he was finally getting fed up of this pursuit and Lara watched out of the corner of her eye as he sloped reluctantly towards the door. He was certainly a very strange character, another one of her projects when she was younger and more naïve. Not surprisingly, she had given up on him fairly quickly. Still, it seemed most bizarre that he would meander around the library so menacingly for no reason. She dismissed it as merely a lookout for trouble… he perhaps hadn't fulfilled his detention quotient that day!

However, amusement came at the most unexpected moment, as he reached the doorway and made to sidle through it sideways. How foolish of him not to look where he was going. Professor Lupin appeared on the other side of the door and strode directly into his side, not quite succeeding in knocking him off his feet but coming pretty close! The students seated about the place attempted unsuccessfully to stifle their giggles but for once got away with it. Snape had only eyes for Lupin, and was glaring at him with a ferocious hatred as he straightened up again and practically squared up to the innocent-looking perpetrator of his humiliation. The smile on Lupin's face spoke a thousand words, but only half of them were readable by anybody but Snape who grew more and more infuriated by the second in the face of his smirking colleague.

Nobody moved for what seemed like an age, Lupin's eyebrows raised themselves slightly as the seconds ticked by and Snape's shoulders seemed to hunch, whilst the students and even Madam Pince looked on with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. Finally, after fighting back words that should not be uttered so publicly, Snape succeeded in making a noise that sounded almost like a growl and speedily side-stepped Lupin before sweeping out of the door in the same movement. Lupin couldn't conceal a chuckle as he strolled further into the library. Most heads turned away with disappointment but Lara couldn't help but grin at the exchange, which had furthered her suspicions of a spiky history between the two men.

As he walked by, still smirking, Lupin responded to her grin by fleetingly raising his eyebrows. It was an almost imperceptible movement and Lara unwittingly blushed for even noticing it. Fortunately he had already disappeared down a row of bookshelves so she was spared the embarrassment of him seeing her reaction. She realised with some gratification that it was the first time he had looked her in the eye and it was as person-to-person rather than teacher-to-student. She liked the idea of him being friendlier outside of lessons. Her friends from home, back at muggle schools, often spoke of their teachers as though they were mates, but the dynamic didn't seem to be like that at Hogwarts, and she sometimes wished it was.

* * *

Dinner that evening was the first chance Lara had to talk to Bec and Simon about the day, and it did not take long for her to bring up the silent confrontation between Lupin and Snape.

"Poor Snape! Fancy being run into," Bec simpered, predictably siding with the Potions Master.

"Lupin wasn't running!" – Lara sprang less predictably to his defence. "Snape just wasn't looking where he was going! It was really quite hilarious actually…" She giggled, which shocked her friends somewhat. "… After Snape had left Professor Lupin gave me this look…" Frightened of gushing, she stopped short.

"I think somebody's quite fond of the new recruit…" Simon said, irritatingly, raising his eyebrows suspiciously.

"Woah! Hold up, I never said anything of the sort!" Lara was aghast at the suggestion.

"It was implied…" Simon said at the same time as Bec chirped up, in her defence.

"She just dislikes the striking Severus Snape!"

"I… it's not either of those things particularly!" Lara struggled to explain. "There's just… there's something intriguing about him, that's all."

Simon and Bec exchanged looks at the word _intriguing_, but dropped the subject and returned the conversation to homework. Lara glanced once again to the staff table where Snape was focused on his food, and where Lupin was cheerfully engaging Professor Sprout in conversation.

"Intriguing" was certainly the right choice of word. Very, very intriguing…

* * *

**Note**

**Yep, this chapter is a bit lengthy and does involve a lot of waffle, or what we might call filler. I call it character development… Well, I do now!**

**Anyway it's obviously the last section that is most pivotal to the story, but I hope the rest of it is readable enough too. **

**Please stick with this one if you've started reading. It's going somewhere, I promise… although perhaps not in the direction you may be expecting. **

**And please **_**please**_** review, whether good or bad. I crave some constructive criticism/encouragement/whatever you can offer! **

**Thanks for reading ) **


	4. The Unsuspecting Victim

**Another bizarre sort of chapter here, oh faithful readers... Takes place about a week after the last one. As with the last one, it's not greatly significant to the "plot" of this whole story (calling it a plot even is pushing it a bit but never mind). Basically I'm just having a bit of fun writing before I get into the more serious issues that I'm gonna try and deal with. Mysterious huh? Anyway, this chapter focuses a lot more on good old Lupin cos he's my favourite, and quite probably yours if you're reading this! Don't expect too much though, I warn you...**

**Chapter 5 should be posted tomorrow, I wrote it before this one so it just needs some tweaking. Enjoy - hopefully! As always, please review if you have the chance, any comments, questions or criticism welcomed! **

* * *

The first week in a new job was always a testing one, as Remus Lupin knew only too well. Sadly he had not often had the opportunity to experience much beyond the first week in any job, but he had a good feeling about this new-found teaching profession. Not since his own schooldays had he felt so much a part of something, none of his adult life had he been so significant a cog in such a well-oiled machine. It wasn't worth denying it; it felt good. 

Yes, it was only a week so far, but it was a week living in the castle that hosted his most-cherished memories, and he was living alongside good, honest, decent humans – Snape an exception of course – who knew what he was, and accepted it. Of course the students couldn't know; this was made quite clear – the prejudice among their parents would be too strong – but nonetheless, Dumbledore was willing to take the risk, and the faculty, on the whole, were understanding. He also had the respect of the majority of the student body, and a responsibility for their welfare and education that he valued above all else at that moment. It was important that he was well liked, and that he did a good job. Dumbledore deserved that much after the chance he had given him.

That man was proving himself the best friend left to Lupin. He had allowed him to come to Hogwarts as a child when nobody thought it possible, he had ensured he was safe every month for the seven years; that his transformations were as easy and unstressful as was logistically possible. Of course, Sirius, James and Peter had helped with this as soon as they found out, but he would not have so much as met his once faithful friends if Dumbledore hadn't given him the chance nobody else would. And now the same remarkable wizard had given him the opportunity to return to Hogwarts, and with that, the promise of a real, non-discriminatory job. His gratitude to Albus was overwhelming, and he knew from the beginning it would be impossible ever to repay him.

For his part though, it certainly made him well inclined to make a good impression on the students and as such for each group's first lesson he had continued the practical theme, which prompted very few complaints. He had adopted a teaching philosophy that combined his marauder instincts with his intellect. This way he could impress the younger students with the humorous spells he had mastered when not much older than them, and reassure the older ones that the exams really weren't going to be all that bad. The conversations he overheard whilst walking around the school were encouraging, Dumbledore seemed more than satisfied, and the majority of the students now came to lessons smiling and eager, and exchanged greetings with him when passing by. Not surprisingly, most of the Slytherins were less than enthused with their new teacher, but Remus shrugged it off with the assumption that Snape had directed them as such. Old grudges die hard.

* * *

It was ridiculously early on a Sunday morning, and Lupin was on his way to a meeting he was not looking forward to. He had already been to breakfast before anybody else had graced the Great Hall and was heading begrudgingly towards the dungeons where he was to seek his old acquaintance in the Potions classroom. As he wasn't expecting to see anybody up and about at quarter to seven on the first weekend of term, he wasn't paying his feet much attention, and therefore involuntarily drew his wand in shock upon walking practically headfirst into a student. 

The girl recoiled with a look half of terror and half of shame and Lupin hastily returned his wand to his pocket and smiled at her.

"Don't shoot Sir!" Lara quipped with an uneasy smile, holding her hands up in mock surrender.

"I'm so sorry!" Lupin was genuinely horrified that he was ready to curse an innocent student, out wandering the halls. "… Lara, is it? Truly sorry, I wasn't anticipating seeing anybody this early…"

"Yes Professor. It is… Lara, that is…" Why were the words proving so difficult for her to get out? "I don't sleep well." And why was she telling him this?

"On your way to breakfast?" he asked kindly, becoming increasingly aware that he needed to be with Snape within five minutes if he didn't want to make things complicated.

"I was just wandering to be honest… but yes I might drop by the Hall. I'm sorry Professor; I'll get out of your way…" The corridor was quite narrow and it dawned on Lara that Lupin might be conversing with her out of necessity rather than choice. She stood to one side against the wall and gestured for him to pass.

"Thank you kindly," he smiled, with a slight bow of the head. He looked upwards from the inclined position and their eyes met once more. "Sorry again if I scared you," he continued with sincerity and a warm look to those serious eyes.

"No problem," Lara muttered as he passed. The gentlemanly gesture of the bow had floored her, being so rare in these corridors, and she was quite taken aback by it, as well as troubled by how intense his eyes were at such a short distance away.

"Do try the juice this morning, it's quite something," Lupin added with a glance over his shoulder as he progressed down the gradually lightening and widening corridor.

Lara managed another unconvincing grin and marched in the opposite direction as quickly as possible. So it seemed her early morning walks were not going to be quite so safe this year then. The exchange had shaken her far more than seemed to be rational.

"You could run a master-class on lunacy and stupidity you know?" she told herself. That little habit was going to have to stop too. Her early morning musings might well be overheard by the same man in the future. Possibly Professor Lupin was not often an early bird, probably he would think no more of the encounter, but most certainly, she was thinking on it too much.

* * *

"Lupin, late already. This does not bode well for your… issue." 

The unwelcoming drawl of the Potions Master was not well-received at that time of the morning, but Remus was not going to rise to the bait.

"My apologies, Severus," he said coolly with particular emphasis on his forename. "Breakfast was very good this morning. I recommend it, if you can leave the dungeons while the sun is still out…?" Snape scowled so much at this that his eyes nearly disappeared beneath his brow, but then one side of his mouth curled upward and Lupin could almost pre-empt the retort.

"Feel free to go and enjoy the sunshine, _Remus_," he smirked. "I personally am looking forward to a moonlit stroll in a couple of weeks. I believe the full moon isn't far off now…"

Lupin smiled pleasantly again. "No doubt for the past fifteen years you've missed meticulously following the lunar cycle Severus… but the Headmaster's orders dictate we are to be on the same side now. Also, it is precisely nine days until the full moon, and no, I shan't be caught out by your guesswork. Some things just don't change with time." He flashed Snape his best sweet look, revelling in the first real banter since his return to Hogwarts. Snape merely rolled his eyes in response.

"To business, Professor," – this time it was the title spoken with venom – "The Wolfsbane potion is complex and takes at least a couple of days to brew. So, I suppose you might appreciate my meticulously following the cycle this year…"

Lupin conceded this with open hands and nodded for him to continue.

"Dumbledore tells me you are incapable of brewing it yourself – which does not surprise me in the slightest, I might add – and suggests instead that I brew up the mixture every month… being the resident expert and all…" Lupin bit his tongue at this remark and attempted a look of indifference. "He also ensures me that you would entrust this task to me. However, if you do not, _I_ ensure _you_ I will take great delight in either watching you struggle to brew it yourself, or in seeing you carted off to that tree again every month."

"You know I don't trust you as far as I can throw you Severus," Lupin began sharply but swallowed back his stubbornness. "But Dumbledore does, for whatever reason, and I am in no position to argue with him." He paused, expecting Snape to comment, but no words came. "Therefore," – the sentence was a difficult one to utter – "if you are willing to do me such a favour, I would greatly appreciate the assistance."

Snape would have grinned if he could remember how. Instead he basked silently in his victory for a few moments.

"Are you asking me to keep you and the students safe Lupin, at great time and effort on my part, or to tie your shoelaces? I hardly think you're in the position to be so obstinate." Snape was not going to make this easy and Lupin took a deep breath.

"Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin House and Potions Master extraordinaire," the mocking tone of Lupin's voice was evident but Snape was happy to just hear the words, whatever the level of sincerity. "Would you please condescend to help an old classmate by brewing a significantly complicated potion for him on a monthly basis, so as to prevent him from embarking on murderous rampages around the school?" Lupin smiled despite himself and even the corners of Snape's mouth showed signs of twitching.

"Certainly, old _classmate_," the word stuck in Snape's throat but he continued. "For the sake of the school, and for old Albus, I will oblige. Now, if you don't mind I would like to be allowed to leave for breakfast. I hear the menu today is exquisite."

Lupin nodded a grateful response and stepped aside to allow Snape through the door, which he swept through in abhorrent, grimy style. He sighed with relief as Snape disappeared up the staircase. Despite practically grovelling, his recurring issue was to become much easier, and he had got much of the awkwardness with Snape out of his system. Following at a distance, he returned to more savoury areas of the castle, to collect a newspaper and learn of what another old classmate was up to at present.


	5. You're Still on My Lonely Mind

**Before you read, just w****ant to offer a quick thank you to those of you who are continuing to read this, and especially warm thanks to those who have left reviews. I muchly appreciate any and all comments!**

**Disclaimer for this chapter - in case it isn't obvious, I do not have any rights to David Bowie or his music, I just like the songs!**

Lara wandered through the grounds of the castle whistling a tune to herself merrily. She had no idea why she was in a good mood, but who was she to complain? People often found it a bit strange how she liked her parents' music so much but she thought it was only natural to enjoy what she had heard growing up. And so it was that _Life on Mars_ whipped its way through her mind and out through her pursed lips. She glanced around cautiously and then upon seeing nobody was around, burst out into song in the place of her whistle.

This was another of the odd habits that contributed to her limited popularity at school. Singing at every spare opportunity – so long as nobody was within hearing range to the best of her knowledge – was apparently not the most normal behaviour. Despite her best efforts though, she was overheard from time to time and her varied mental jukebox prompted some odd looks and giggles when she passed those who had overheard in the halls and the common room. It wasn't so much that this caused her to be bullied or disliked, in fact none of her oddities did, it was just that she shared so very few interests with many of her contemporaries and thus had only a small selection of friends. As her mother frequently said, unhelpfully, quality over quantity was the best way at any rate, and much as she hated to admit her mum was right, she was generally satisfied with her lot.

Rounding a corner by a small copse of trees, she bellowed out "take a look at the law man…" and reached an impromptu stop, simultaneously jumping almost a foot into the air in shock when she noticed a man sat against a large tree. He was throwing an apple from hand to hand and had been staring pensively into the middle distance, but turned his gaze toward the approaching student and regarded her with a look of amused surprise. Lara stopped short and blushed scarlet.

_We really have to stop meeting like this,_ she wanted to say, thinking of their encounter the week previously. However, she thought better of it.

"Oh… sorry Professor! I didn't think anybody would be around!" In her flustered state she couldn't quiet meet his eye as she addressed him.

"You and me both," he responded, smiling pleasantly at her. "Don't mind me, please do continue your 70s repertoire!"

Unsure whether to laugh or not, Lara succeeded instead in looking at him and smiled back. "I… I'd never have been singing if I knew you were here… I'm sorry, really – nobody should have to hear that!"

"You underestimate yourself," he gestured to her to sit down. "It sounded a darn sight better than when my mother used to sing along to old Bowie whilst doing the housework when I was a teenager. Quite embarrassing for a woman who still thought Rock 'n' Roll was cutting edge up until I got interested in music myself. She imagined she was hip, I would wager…" He stopped there, looking almost puzzled, as though uncertain himself why he was divulging this information.

Presuming it was safer this time, she chuckled quietly before thanking him politely and using this new information to try and calculate how old he must be. They sat in silence for a minute and she began to feel a bit awkward sitting alongside her new favourite teacher speculating over his age. He then prompted her fondness of him to increase even further by seemingly sensing the discomfort and striking up a new conversation topic.

"Do you think your acquaintances would appreciate a practical lesson tomorrow? Thought I would be missing the lesson you see, so haven't planned anything… But I considered that maybe some practice in the Forest might be useful…?" He looked at her as though he genuinely valued her opinion and was hopeful of an answer so Lara decided she ought to be enthusiastic to repay his consideration.

"I'm sure that would be great Professor, getting out of the classroom is always good after all. I was just saying the other day…"

She stopped herself, wary of revealing the depth to which she sometimes analysed his lessons. Lupin quirked an eyebrow at her and she attempted to recover.

"Well I mean… best to make the most of the decent weather while it lasts." She looked to the sky as if to support her argument and smiled innocently. She hoped he hadn't noticed anything too strange in what she almost said. He opened his mouth momentarily as if to pass comment but then it closed into a warm smile, thinking better of it.

"Infinitely insightful as ever Miss Graham," he responded as though biting something else back. Although he meant it in a light-hearted way, he noted Lara's eyebrows knitting together slightly and chuckled his way through an apology. "Seriously, I appreciate the second opinion." He sighed and turned wistfully to the lake. "I'm still very new to this whole teaching game."

Lara was slightly shocked by this news, and didn't prevent her face from showing it. "But you're brilliant Sir!" she blurted out without really thinking about it. She glanced nervously at him upon realising what she had said but he continued to gaze toward the lake. "I mean to say, you'd never guess. I think you're doing really well…" She hoped she had toned it down sufficiently, aware suddenly of a rising heat in her cheeks.

He nodded to show he had acknowledged her views, and the moment of embarrassment passed. Then there was nothing more. There was the enigma of Lupin again, just as he was appearing more relaxed. Her eyes fell on the now inert apple between them and her stomach involuntarily churned. Although she realised with some concern that it was not the thought of food unsettling her, it provided a good excuse to depart from the now uncomfortable silence. His manner now, although still not unwelcoming, silently conveyed that the conversation was over, so she took heed. He might be willing to sit in silence with his thoughts, but Lara had a walk – and a song – to complete.

Citing hunger as the reasoning, she politely got up to leave Lupin alone with his lake-gazing and, she noticed for the first time, his book. She squinted to try and read the title but it was clearly enchanted and the letters would not quite come into focus.

"Thank you for the company and comments Lara," Lupin said with little expression. He did not avert his eyes in her direction either, staring in an almost sorrowful way now at an indeterminable spot in the centre of the lake.

"Anytime Sir," Lara politely responded, with utmost sincerity. "See you soon."

Her mind picked up a speedy train of thought once more. The R. J. Lupin plot thickened, and her songs were forgotten. Would she ever come close to understanding this man? More to the point, why did she want to so much?

* * *

Meanwhile, Lupin's mind remained rooted on the topic she had initially interrupted him from. He picked up the book he had brought to hide behind and opened it briefly. _Yes Remus, of course you're going to be able to concentrate on that_, he thought to himself after reading precisely 7 words. Slamming it shut impatiently, he scowled in the face of the setting sun and heaved a loud sigh.

This spot had always been a favourite haven of his during his schooldays. It was close enough to both the lake and the castle for him to feel alone and at peace and at the same time close to everything he held dear. Also if he negotiated past a few trees and looked over to his right a little way he could watch the spot closer to the lake's edge where many a bright summer's - or even a chilly winter's - day had been spent with his best friends. He could see when they were coming out, usually moaning about his absence, and would leave his rare moments of solitude to creep up on them. This would always irritate James who had liked to know where all his closest friends were at all times, and hated the thought of Remus sneaking off on his own. Upon closing his eyes he could picture such occasions so clearly, as though sixteen or twenty-two years ago were only last week.

James would most often be ringleader of the conversation, coming up with some fairly stupid idea for fun or rebellion, or else talking about Lily Evans and how he was going to win her heart. Peter would sit in near-silence, chuckling along with the other boys and reluctantly agreeing to whatever scheme they decided on. Remus would usually pretend not to be interested in the mischief-making, or the Lily-courting, hiding again behind a book or a piece of fruit, but always secretly listening intently. This way he could ensure he was able to step in if things got too crazy in James's mind and offer his approval or otherwise to the latest plot. Sirius would joke about his liking of fruit, calling him a pathetic excuse for a werewolf as a cover for his annoyance that Remus would ignore him so often, and get away with being distant.

As Sirius entered his head for at least the twelfth time that day, Lupin reached for his apple and took a bite out of it almost spitefully. Not surprisingly, his fruit provided no more of a distraction than it had done in his schooldays and he felt a surge of resentment towards his friend once again. Things could be like that now, if only he hadn't sold his soul. James and Peter would still be walking the earth; Sirius would not be on the run… Remus would have friends.

In his typically altruistic way Lupin blamed himself, again. If he could have convinced James to make him secret-keeper, if he could've just seen through Sirius before it was too late… how different life would be. He silently cursed his fate, again not for the first time that day, and lost his appetite for his apple, tossing it aside with some contempt. A rage was bubbling up inside him, and he knew instantly that it wasn't directed at Sirius. He wished it could be, but he still could not accept the guilt of his dearest friend. His naivety was angering him more and more by the minute. Why did he continually refuse to hate him? The evidence against him was overwhelming; he hadn't a leg to stand on regarding his innocence. In fact he had never so much as protested it. The papers reported he had gone mad, and it suited Remus best to believe this. If Sirius was mentally altered, he was no longer the Sirius Black he had known so well. It made him almost excusable, perhaps even accountable for his actions. No, of course it didn't excuse what he did. Nothing could, surely?

With another massive sigh and a lump rising in his throat, Lupin stood up and shuffled slightly so he could survey the spot where the pleasant happenings of his youth had so often occurred. It was deserted at present, which was rare; students often adopted it for their own happy past-times. Of course, it must be dinnertime up at the castle – the grounds were altogether deserted and it had been a good twenty minutes since Lara had skipped off for her tea. He should probably make an appearance himself. Dumbledore had a terrible habit of getting worried about him if he skipped meals, and the last thing he wanted was to trouble the man who came closest to a friend these days. He couldn't help but wish even still though that he had his true friends with him… But then, one of them was working on it, perhaps at that very moment.

"He's at Hogwarts."

The refrain of Sirius Black, as reported by the Azkaban guards prior to his escape, continued to trouble Lupin. It provided yet another factor in the overwhelming case against the closest friend he had ever made. Yet still he could not accept it. It just wasn't the Sirius he knew, the Sirius that must still be lurking somewhere within that troubled, long-incarcerated vessel.

Could he really have betrayed James? It made no sense.

Was he intending to come after Harry? That made even less sense, even after the events of twelve years ago.

_If_ it was all true, or even if it wasn't, what now? If Sirius was determined to reach Hogwarts, he would, Lupin knew him well enough to be sure of that. Perhaps he would show up as Padfoot, and nobody would suspect anything out of the ordinary. What the bloody hell would Remus do in that situation?

_Oh hell_, he thought as he sunk again to the floor and buried his head in his hands. In this state, dinner would be merely a formality and Dumbledore would be more concerned if he appeared without eating than if he just didn't turn up. Lupin ran his hands through his hair and attempted to prepare himself for another torturous evening trapped inside his own head.


	6. Memory, All Alone in the Moonlight

**Bit of a warning, this chapter includes a bit of swearing and some very very mild, almost comical combat! Some places like writers to warn about these things in case of sensitive readers apparently...**

**So... this chapter was originally the first part of a much lengthier one, but after re-reading and editing this part I decided it might be better off on its own. I was inspired by the full moon the other night to write the memory bit… and attempted to make it relevant to the story!!! (Really I just fancied putting a bit of Marauder fun in there, as you will see…) Anyway, hope you enjoy. Please review with any comments, questions or complaints. I will do my best to respond, answer or rectify anything that seems too out-of-character or what-have-you. Thanks **

True to his word, Lupin's next lesson took the class to the edge of the Forbidden Forest for a sort of skirmish exercise. The students were only to use stunning, petrifying and disarming spells on each other so nobody would get hurt. The true aim of the game was pre-meditating attack and dodging curses. Thick bushes and innumerable trees provided the perfect setting for this exercise and, more importantly, coming out to the forest meant that Lupin was able to conserve his energy. For only the first time since he was fifteen had he been wrong about the date of the full moon, but although it wasn't last night as he'd thought, it was tomorrow night. Consequently he now needed to save his strength for a night of malnourishment and a day of recovery.

He wandered amongst the trees and laughing students, dodging badly aimed spells and reversing the effects of better aimed ones on stricken sixth years. As he strolled, his mind wandered too, back to the last time he had mixed up the dates for the phases of his regular tormentor. Although he blamed himself - of course - then, as now, it had been the movements of his miscreant friends which played a significant role. The other Marauders had been nearing complete success in their bid to become Animagi. In the furore of almost being ready to test it out on a full moon, Remus had got caught up in the excitement and had temporarily forgotten he too was not about to become an Animagus. He had a more frightening transformation on the horizon.

…

"_Yes!" James exclaimed. "Peter, you did it! And it was pretty much at will…"_

"_About time!" Sirius snapped, causing Peter's returning human grin to diminish rapidly. _

"_Come on Sirius, be fair," Remus reasoned. "You've all had difficulty doing it without help… Remember when you were stuck as a dog all night? We had to smuggle you up to the dorm!" _

_Peter laughed merrily; with Moony's words of defence he remembered why he was going to all this trouble. Remus was a good friend. _

"_The looks on p__eople's faces when they saw us without you Sirius!" he giggled. "We had to pretend you were up in the Hospital Wing!" _

_Even Sirius managed a smirk as the others joined in the laughter. _

"_You have no idea how uncomfortable that cloak is when you're on all fours…" he added. "And I'm sorry Peter; I just really want this to work out." _

"_And it will," James interjected triumphantly, before turning into a stag for a few moments, contorting his face a little as he changed back._

_Sirius followed suit, but his doggy features remained far more relaxed in the seconds before he regained human form. Sirius had mastered the process first, much to James's annoyance and Remus's quiet amusement. _

"_Come on Peter, one more time and we'll call it a night," James coaxed kindly. _

_With a bit more time, concentration and a vastly more screwed up face, Peter managed to reduce down to rat-form, giving a high-pitched squeak of excitement as the other boys whooped with joy. He slowly but surely changed back, with a massive grin spread across his round face. _

"_Excellent gentlemen!" Remus clapped his hands together and beamed at them all. "You're all brilliant…" he sobered up a little and added, "thank you so much for doing this. I hope it works." Although he was terrified of what might actually happen on his next transformation – when his friends were bound to insist on accompanying him – he was also absolutely thrilled his friends would be with him, and had done so much to make it possible. Sirius summoned him out of these internal raptures. _

"_So? When do we get to meet our furry friend?" _

"_Yeah I'm sure it's nearly a month now since the last erm… change!" James contributed. _

"_Hmm…" Peter appeared to be thinking very hard. "Are you sure it's not tonight Moony?" Remus thought too for a moment. In the excitement of all the Animagus practice he hadn't really a clue even what the date was that day. _

"_No… it's maybe tomorrow? I'll double check when we get back to the dormitory." He sounded sure but his brain was still whirring away trying to construe exactly when it would be. "Anyway, we should be heading back up to the castle by now, it's getting dark." _

_The boys agreed. The last thing they wanted was to be caught sneaking IN after dark; they'd be in just as much trouble as if they were sneaking out! The four lads had grown too much over the past year to all fit under the invisibility cloak, but it remained less suspicious to the critical eye if not all members of the group were seen assembled at such times. So Peter and James squeezed together under the cloak whilst Remus and Sirius began casually strolling out from their secluded cavern where much mischief was managed. So it was that to any prying eyes, it was merely Padfoot and Moony out for a twilight stroll. Sirius cracked a joke along similar lines, implying it appeared simply that the two of them were courting. He received a determined punch to the arm in response to that particular quip._

What happened next that night would haunt Remus for the rest of his years, as evidenced by tonight's silent reflection.

What if it really had been just the two of them out for a wander?

What if they hadn't quite mastered the transformation by then?

…

_It __happened so suddenly; the smiling Marauders were scarcely halfway back to the castle when the moon crept out from the shadows, radiantly shining through the clouds in its complete, mischievous glory. Remus presently stopped stock still, causing the dawdling Sirius to walk into the back of him with some force._

"_Moony! What the hell?!" Sirius shouted angrily, rubbing his knee fiercely. But Remus made no reply; every inch of him was frozen aside from his eyes, which flashed around in wild terror. It was Peter, emerging from the cloak with James, who noticed first. _

"_The… the… the… m-moo…. MOON!" he stuttered, eyes wide, pointing desperately to the darkening sky. _

_James and Sirius both swore vociferously. Meanwhile Remus began to shudder and convulse quite grotesquely. It was truly horrible for his friends to witness; upsetting and petrifying in equal measure. Little wonder that Peter remained rooted to the spot, shaking, and unable to tear his filling eyes away from the contorted figure of his friend. _

"_Quick!" James shouted. "We've got to change before he does!" _

_Sirius had assumed the form of a long-haired, black dog, huge and glossy, before the final words were spoken, but James was more focused on Peter. He knew even as he said it that their smallest member would not be able to do it. He was far too terrified. _

"_Peter, come on!" he yelled with great urgency; Remus was now sprouting thick grey fur - time was running out. Peter was clearly trying, the effort was clear as day on his worried face, but he produced nothing but tears. James sighed, but realised he had no choice but to convert to stag-form, which he did – just as the fully-fledged werewolf-Remus emitted a bone-chilling howl. _

_James stood in front of Peter hastily, and lowered his antlered head instinctively just as his furry friend shaped to leap at the horrified human. The werewolf must have realised he was not going to get through the great stag and took a change of direction to go around him instead. He was fast, and he was about to leap for Peter again when the shape of Sirius hurtled into his side and sent him flying. _

_In the interim, Peter had regained use of his limbs and dragged the invisibility cloak over himself as he turned to run to the castle. Werewolf-Remus snarled and took flight after the scent of his prey, but luckily Prongs was quicker and succeeded in herding him away towards the Whomping Willow instead._

_It was hard work, and very tiresome, __but between them – assisted greatly by their large Animagi bodies – Padfoot and Prongs were able to hustle Full-Moony toward the tree. Sirius took a blow to the head as he squeezed to the foot of the trunk to press the knot that would freeze the thrashing branches. _

_By some minor miracle, the possessed Remus was successfully ushered down the tunnel and into the Shrieking Shack, where he leapt on a pile of very unappealing raw bones that had obviously been left for him… _hopefully_ been left for him!! His Animagi friends retreated quickly and Sirius managed to push closed the heavy mistletoe-stained door with a trembling paw. _

_Once certain they were safely sealed off from the now-raging werewolf, they turned into sweaty, battered fifteen year olds once more. _

"_That," James panted, "was fucking scary!" _

"_Understatement of the century there Prongs!" Sirius managed, massaging his walloped head. "But on the bright side at least we know he won't attack us as animals…" _

"_And we pretty much had him under control…" James added, almost smiling. "If Peter had just… __**Peter!**__" _

"_Bollocks. Yeah, we had better go and find him. Poor boy's probably wet himself…" _

…

So it was that Lupin's error almost cost him a friend's life. How bitterly ironic that it was the friend that _had_ taken that friend's life that had almost made him screw up again. No wonder his head was such a mess; all these lost souls of old friends… always there. Intertwining, haunting him, challenging him…

Since that night he had vowed never to be so careless again. He meticulously checked and planned his transformations every month, and had even tried to stop the others from getting involved again. Naturally his suggestions fell on deaf ears; even Peter – after a few days' recovery – insisted he would continue to do all he could to make life easier for his friend. It was deeply touching, and in time it made a substantial difference.

From then on, each transformation became less painful, and less lonely than the last. As time went on, he had begun to preserve his own thoughts and personality during the full moon, and the Animagi success opened up a whole new world of night time activity to them. Many of those nights, in his sixth and seventh year in particular, resided among Lupin's best memories of Hogwarts – the night off every month when he could forget homework and exams, forget the anxieties of teenage life, and frolic about the grounds with his best friends, relaxing and exploring… and having fun.

Grinning inexplicably at the memory, he quickly unhexed a Gryffindor whose friend seemingly had got very carried away and inventive with his wand.

"Stunning, Petrifying and disarming only!" he reminded them, trying to sound firm whilst suppressing a smile that would have revealed his recognition of the scenario from his own sixth year experiments.

With an inward sigh as he walked away from the pair, he felt grateful that an event like his earlier reminiscence would never be repeated on these grounds. The Wolfsbane potion that had been developed since his youth had been a Godsend. It was the main reason he was able to return to Hogwarts to teach, giving he and Dumbledore peace of mind that the students would be safe. Grovelling to Snape had not been the most enjoyable experience, but luckily he had been taking the potion for several days already, expecting the change last night. Even with his miscalculations he had sufficient remaining to down some tonight after dinner, again with lunch tomorrow, and disaster would once again be averted – despite Sirius's best efforts to distract him…

**As you may or may not have recognised, I borrowed the mistletoe-stained door thingy from an episode of Doctor Who. I have no idea if it has ever been cited as an anti-werewolf thing prior to that usage, but that's where I got it from! Just in case you were wondering …! **


	7. Don't Kid Yourself & Don't Fool Yourself

**Hello readers of mine, not much to say on this one really. As ever, let me know what you think, and thank you to my continuing readers, and particularly my reviewers!**

"What do you suppose he's thinking?" Walking back to back with Simon through the woodland, wands raised and evading Bec's spells, Lara noticed Professor Lupin ambling through the trees not far from them. He was moving at a slower pace than normal, with eyebrows furrowed and hands deep in his robe pockets. Whatever was on his mind was evidently absorbing him completely.

"Here we go again… He's thinking 'I wish Lara would stop wondering about me so much!" Simon replied with an unseen cheeky grin, anticipating the effect those words would have.

"What? So much? I'm just making conversation!" With much consternation, Lara barked a retort at her infuriating friend. _Do I really talk about him that much?_

"Sure, sure…" Simon spun round to face her, clasping his hands together at the side of his face and miming a look of adoration. He spoke in a high-pitched, simpering voice. _"Oh professor, what is going on inside that wise, handsome, intelligent old head of yours?" _

"Shut it! I do nothing of the like! That sounds nothing like me!" Lara was scandalised, and looked over her shoulder to the retreating figure of Professor Lupin to check he hadn't heard. She then fixed Simon with a wide-eyed glare.

"Course not, you don't spend every lesson staring at him, trying to read his mind or anything either!"

"Good, I'm glad that's settled."

* * *

They had been walking on in silence for a couple of minutes, Lara silently fuming and Simon revelling in his perceived victory, when the unspoken truce was broken by a streak of white light.

"Damn! Where is Bec? She almost got me that time! I swear that girl is invisible." Simon swirled on the spot, looking for their friend amongst the bushes and tree trunks.

"We shouldn't have changed position. If you hadn't decided to take the piss…"

"- you mean if you hadn't decided to obsess over our teacher again?! You started it!"

"Oh bugger off, you don't know what you're- **Crap!** That one nearly got _me_!" It seemed their friend was getting better with her aim, and with the direction the conversation was taking Lara thought this was probably for the best.

"Oh here he is… your man! Deep in thought again…" Simon evidently didn't concur with this assessment, as he embarked on another wind-up.

Lara turned to look in the direction Simon was pointing with his wand. Just as her eyes locked onto Lupin, he jumped away from a speeding jet of light, doing a half-pirouette in the air before landing nimbly in safety, quickly having to readjust his feet to avoid another wayward spell.

"Ooh look at that!" Simon laughed heartily. "It seems he's quite spry for an old guy!"

"He's not that old!" Lara automatically protested, secretly impressed with her Professor's moves.

"For someone who absolutely does not simper across the classroom at him you certainly leap to his defence quickly!"

"Well he's not old! I'm just saying… just because he's going a bit grey, doesn't make him an OAP!"

"Oh yes, I suppose under those tattered robes there's a body of a twenty-five year old Adonis? Actually you know… if you look carefully…" Simon tilted his head to one side as if judging the physique of the older man, now only thirty metres away at the most. Lara lowered her voice due to his close proximity, but nevertheless chose to mock.

"Are you sure it's not you who has a thing for him?! Fantasising about seeing under the robes..."

"Hey! I may be a bit camp when it suits, but I'm all for the women, you know that!" he snapped in a loud voice. Simon seemed genuinely put out by this accusation, and the subtlety of their conversation was forgotten in an instant.

"Oh aye, and when did you last have a girlfriend?" Lara's derisory tone rung out, she'd had her fill for the afternoon of him playing high and mighty. "Here you are, always talking about girls back in Notts, but have we ever seen a photo? A letter…?"

Simon reddened and belted out, "At least I don't bloody well fancy a-"

Wham!

Bec finally got a shot on target and Simon lay flat out on the ground, finger still pointing accusingly at Lara.

* * *

"Nice one Becs! Great timing!" Lara grinned with relief that Simon's final, excessively loud, word had been prevented.

"Well, I do my best," Bec smiled, pretending to dust off her knuckles on her chest in a pompous manner. "That was some bickering though… so noisy! What was going on?"

Before Lara had a chance to even attempt an explanation, Lupin appeared stealthily to administer the counter-curse.

"The idea is to be on guard," he smirked at Simon and Lara, as the former struggled to his feet, dusting off the back of his robes. "Arguing amongst yourselves gives your enemy a prime opportunity. And a well taken one it was too, well done Rebecca!" Bec smiled even more, but dropped her hand to her side and attempted to look modest.

"Oh we weren't arguing Professor," Lara insisted, but then she noticed Simon was making kissing gestures behind his back and stopped short. "_Simon_ was just being an idiot!" That halted his mocking, as Lupin spun round to look at him, his face spreading to a grin.

"Also not great defence against the Dark Arts," he joked, eyebrow raised. "Anyway, we're finished now. Need to start heading back. Help me spread the word?"

"Of course Sir," Bec politely responded with her best good-girl smile.

"Don't put your wands away yet ladies…" Lupin warned, before adding - almost as an afterthought - "and gent!" Simon barely concealed a disdainful grin. "Seems two of you need practice disarming… so _keep_… _your_…. _**eyes**_… OPEN!" Although it was an order, it was a light-hearted one and he smiled as he delicately teased his formerly-bickering students. Simon nodded sulkily, and turned away; Lara looked at her shoes in a faux gesture of disgrace and Bec flashed a more sincere smile at the teacher.

"I despair Professor, honestly," she adopted a motherly tone. "I just don't know what to do with the pair of them!" She laughed as her friends sneered at her, then at each other.

Lupin's lips seemed to twitch slightly as though he wanted to laugh along with Bec, but all he uttered was a sophisticated "quite!" before the three of them split off in separate directions to find their classmates. Lupin shook his head slowly as he followed a short way behind Lara, herself still throwing loathsome looks at the retreating Simon's back.

* * *

Within ten minutes the class were traipsing back towards the castle ready for their lunch break. Several of the students were nursing minor injuries where they'd fallen heavily or – in the case of one Ravenclaw lad – run into a tree, but everybody was in high spirits, laughing or tussling about in their small groups. Simon was filling Bec in on the altercation he and Lara had been through, as they led the straggling students up the lawn. Lupin was bringing up the rear, still dawdling; still thinking. Walking practically parallel with him, but a fair distance away, Lara was conversing with a Gryffindor girl named Isabella. The girls were only casual acquaintances, but had been on friendly terms since first year and shared a table in Astronomy.

"He's quite good really isn't he?" Isabella said randomly during their discussion about star-chart homework.

"Erm… Orion?" Lara was lost instantly, and yet not too shocked at the notion that Izzy would be impressed by a man made up of stars.

"No, you idiot!" she laughed. "Professor Lupin."

"Oh you think?" Lara said nonchalantly. "Yeah he seems alright."

"Alright? He's the best teacher we've had since Marlstone…" Isabella trailed off here, and Lara straightaway knew why and decided to gloss over the comment.

"Well yeah I suppose I'm feeling a bit more confident about taking the NEWT next year now at any rate!" she said, forcing a grin.

"He seems… interesting…" Isabella added distantly, and glanced across at Lupin whose hands were in his pockets once more as he wandered idly towards the castle. "Hey, I'm not joking here, honest… That's about the third time I've looked at him since we've been talking and each time he's been looking in this direction too."

"We're at the back, he's probably just checking we're still here," Lara said with a shrug.

"No it's not that… I know it sounds stupid but it seems like he wants to say something but… won't." Isabella looked a little puzzled, yet sounded certain.

"What are you on about? What would he have to say?"

"I don't know, do I? But he's looked at you several times as if he was gonna come over. I wouldn't make this up, honestly."

"Hmmm if you say so Iz…" Lara said dismissively, trying very hard not to care. Regardless, barely thirty seconds had passed before she chanced a look across the short distance towards the teacher. Her eyes widened with the realisation that Lupin really was looking in her direction at that very moment. The expression he wore did indeed suggest he was toying with a change of trajectory, a sideways frown and furrowed eyebrows adding to the impression that he was contemplating something deeply.

"See!" Isabella urged in a hushed voice. Lara shook her head, annoyed with herself for merely seeing what her friend wanted her to see.

"Nah, you must be imagining it!" she said defiantly. Her friend smiled knowingly but shrugged nonetheless. They walked silently for a few moments before Isabella sensed a change in tone was necessary.

"I'm looking forward to Transfiguration this afternoon," she said chirpily. "I have a good feeling about it. I'm sure I can take on that settee!"

Lara laughed, glad of the distraction, and took the opportunity to glance again at Lupin. This time he was looking in the direction of the ever closer castle, but had the same half-baffled look masking his features. This reassured her somewhat; the expression was obviously unrelated to the directions he faced and presumably he was just very thoughtful still. In fact, the more she reflected on it, the more she thought that he'd been sporting the same look since the beginning of the lesson. Obviously he was merely in reflective mode. Lara silently swore at Isabella for making her even consider that Lupin wanted to approach them, but returned to the conversation about that afternoon's lessons happily enough, pushing the topic of her troublesome teacher to one side… at least for the time being.

* * *

"You probably saved my life with that curse you know Bec, she was ready to beat the hell outta me!" Simon was only half-joking as he educated Rebecca on the morning's experiences.

"You were taking the piss rather to be fair mate…"

"Admittedly, yes. But it's not the first time she's got ultra defensive on the subject either."

"You'd get defensive too if you were accused of liking a teacher by one of your best friends!"

"Too right I would!" Simon laughed. "Not least of all because there isn't a female teacher here under the age of forty-five!"

"Touché," Bec conceded. "Just maybe ease off the jokes a little bit for a while."

"Bit rich coming from you!" Simon feigned a look of disgust and Bec glared at him. "I'm just worried, that's all," he added with greater sincerity.

"I know," Bec agreed as she frowned over her shoulder in the direction of Lara. "But I'm sure there's no need. Miss Lara Graham is a sensible soul. Too much so in fact, usually. And let's face it, dear old Lupin isn't exactly gorgeous, I'm sure there's nothing there!" Simon snorted, but nodded in assent.

"I'll be keeping an eye on her, nonetheless," he said with a tone of finality which told Bec that argument was futile. They sighed in unison and advanced up the steps to the castle towards lunch, and other less complicated distractions.


	8. To Think I Might Not See Those Eyes

Lupin was nowhere to be seen that Saturday during breakfast. Although it transpired that Lara went along twice, she sensed neither head nor hide of him either time. She went for her customary orange juice at seven when she woke up, half-expecting to see him again as a couple of weeks ago, but there was only Professor Trelawney and a gaggle of younger students present. When she revisited the Hall an hour and a half later with Sam and Jo from her dorm it was much fuller, but again there was no sign of Lupin. Catching up with Bec later, she inadvertently found out that he hadn't been there between half seven and eight either. Lara was inexplicably somewhat disgruntled.

"He's probably home for the weekend," Sam suggested, as the three girls munched through bacon and sausages and toast. Lara had only casually mentioned Lupin's absence when the conversation switched to Defence Against the Dark Arts, but it seemed to rouse interest. Sam's boyfriend Fabio had appeared behind her as she spoke and kissed her on the cheek, whilst Lara shrugged indifferently.

"Or having a lie-in," Fabio contributed as he sat down opposite Sam, nodding a greeting to Lara and Jo. "They really should have breakfast later at weekends!" His friend Jack, who had sat down next to him and across from Lara, signalled his agreement with a huge yawn as he reached for a sausage.

"I'm not that bothered," Lara protested as Jo wiggled her eyebrows at her. "I just wanted to ask him something on the way out, that's all. It can wait. Eurgh Jack, couldn't you keep your gob shut while you're devouring that… muck?"

"What do you mean _muck_?" Jack grinned, swallowing. "You mean to say you don't have ketchup with your beans and sausage and mushroom on toast?" The pearly-white, sweet grin plastered on the dark-haired boy's face almost counter balanced the orange-red trickle down his chin but Lara just snorted at him and looked away, trying to act disgusted.

"It does help to retain our manners around the ladies," Fabio contributed, shoving a napkin in his friend's face. "Suddenly the reasoning for your being single becomes a lot clearer…" He shot Sam his best perfect man look, which was greeted by not only her eyes rolling, but Jo's, Jack's and Lara's also.

- - -

Lara chewed slowly on her toast crust as she watched the scene around her descend into minor chaos as the boys joshed about. None of the people she found herself surrounded by were exactly close friends, but they provided comic relief which Bec and Simon – who she spent most of her hours with – sometimes failed to offer. Sam and Jo were best friends, and the ultimate odd couple. Sam was the intelligent one, hosting the intellectual look with neat mousy brown hair and small spectacles, whereas Jo was less interested in schoolwork, worryingly clumsy and much wilder in her appearance with several earrings and red-streaked chocolate coloured hair. Although Sam was conventionally the prettier, she had never attracted much attention from the boys, who seemed to be drawn to the flamboyant nature of shorter, more laid-back Jo. It was hardly surprising therefore that Sam had pinned down Fabio three years ago and was now practically married to the Mediterranean sweetheart, whereas Jo had never had a relationship for longer than a couple of months.

Often Lara paired Jo and Jack together in her mind, although she couldn't imagine either of them would truly consider it – they had heard far too much of it over the past three years. As Fabio was hardly ever seen without Jack, and Jo was never too far from Sam, the pair spent a lot of time together, usually arguing or teasing each other. If she was honest, Lara thought Jack was too good-looking for Jo, however harsh it was to think such a thing. And even if he was at that moment sticking his tongue out, covered with chewed up sausage, prompting shrieks of disgust from the other two girls.

Lara crinkled her nose up as he finally swallowed the mulch and he winked cheekily at her, just as a handful of cornflakes landed in his hair.

"Fab, you arse!" he exploded, leaping to his feet and running both hands through his hair to dispose of the mess. "There's no need to reduce yourself to throwing food!"

"I, my dear friend, am simply defending the honour of my fair lady," Fabio smirked. "You were putting her off her food with your impressions of a troll! In fact-"

He was cut off when a piece of mushroom suddenly attached itself to his cheek. Guiltily, Jack ducked under the table, though his laughter was still very audible. Lara and Jo couldn't help but descend into giggles too as Sam calmly peeled Jack's breakfast off Fabio's face, and restrained him from continuing the fight.

"Come on now," Simon's inimitable prefect voice cast itself over them; the shade of maturity. "What kind of example are you setting to the first years? Hi, Lara."

"We leave the example-setting to you mate," Jo said as he straddled the bench alongside Lara. "Mr Prefect Perfecto." Simon sneered at her and poured himself some Rice Krispies, and the rest of the morning passed without incident.

- - -

The whole group, joined by Bec and the fifth girl from their dorm, Ariel, reassembled that dinnertime, and seated themselves in practically the same spot. Several of them exchanged telling looks when they noted Lara scanning the staff table, frowning and sulkily grabbing a piece of bread. Jack cheerfully started talking about their next day's trip to Hogsmeade before anybody could pass comment, and Lara joined in the conversation willingly.

It was almost convincing, spare the glances to the table at the top of the Great Hall, and over her shoulder towards the door.

* * *

It had been far from the worst Thursday night Remus Lupin had experienced in his time. The Wolfsbane potion was truly fantastic; although it meant being civil to Severus for a whole year, it would be worth it if he could experience all his transformations at Hogwarts like that. For the first full moon since he had been a student himself, Remus had regained his human form without any external damage. He felt weak and starved however, having slept through much of the past thirty-six hours and gone without food. He didn't emerge from his office until late Saturday evening, and then it was only to summon a house elf for some dinner before returning to sleep in his own bed. His wolf body would not eat the sorts of food that his human mind wanted, and vice versa, so hunger during the full moon was seemingly going to be a recurring problem. It wasn't, however, the only issue that was unearthed by retaining one's mind whilst a savage beast.

In his current state of mind it was difficult enough getting through the night as the meek new professor on the block, and this was only intensified in wolf form. Perhaps it was due to the restless nature of the creature his mind became trapped in; maybe it was the frustration of the wolf in being restrained to near domestication. Whatever was behind it, Lupin's head that night was full of anxiety, nostalgia and loneliness. Even his dreams haunted him; showing scenes from his lost youth, his friends… and rapidly deteriorating into when it all went wrong. This wasn't a new experience, but likewise not a common one anymore. It was being back at Hogwarts, he was sure, but under such different circumstances. And being a werewolf there; but without the fun, frolic and friendship.

- - -

As Sunday morning dawned, Remus considered venturing to the Great Hall for a public breakfast, but catching sight of himself in the mirror he realised he looked even rougher than he felt. As he had been hiding away since Thursday evening, missing his lessons on Friday and having to ignore the knocks at the door, he felt obliged to make an appearance sooner or later. Yet he knew his reappearance, in this state, in the middle of the weekend, would only rouse suspicion. That was, of course, if anybody had noticed his absence, bar the students whose lessons he had missed. He realised with a sigh that this was probably not very likely particularly as it was now, after all said and done, the weekend. Sitting back on the bed another realisation hit him.

It was the first Hogsmeade trip for sixth and seventh years today. He was meant to be chaperoning. Under the impression that the full moon was Tuesday he had thought he would be fit by now to journey into the village and fulfil his teacher duties.

"Shit," he said simply.

Glancing to the clock he saw too that the trip was leaving in less than an hour. He had hardly any time to find a substitute. With a reluctant acceptance of defeat, he set about trying to make himself look presentable. No time to shave, but that was perhaps a blessing considering how pale he was looking. He could at least splash some very cold water over his face to create a more awake appearance, brush his still semi-pointy teeth and run a comb through the unruly mess on his head. Looking healthy was going to be a stretch, but as he changed into his best non-dressy set of robes he determined that he would at least manage to look alive if he got a firewhiskey down his throat and smiled a little. Scraping up a handful of change from the chest of drawers by the door and shoving it into a pocket with his wand, he took a deep breath, glanced in the mirror one more time with a forced smile and opened the door.

- - -

The Great Hall was practically empty when Lupin reached it, and likewise there was very little food remaining on any of the tables, never mind the staff one.

"A Hogsmeade lunch it is then," he muttered to nobody in particular, picking up a slice of cold toast and adding a dollop of raspberry jam to it.

It was quarter past nine now, he should probably already be in the Entrance Hall helping with the organisation of things. His toast was finished with two more bites, leaning on the back of Snape's usual chair; he hadn't deemed it worthwhile sitting down for two minutes. Trudging down the middle of the Hall, Remus afforded a glance to the ceiling, fixed at present depicting a still but cloudy blue sky. He hooked a banana off the end of the Hufflepuff table on the way out and was just entering the Entrance Hall and peeling it when McGonagall called out to him cheerfully.

"Professor Lupin!" she bustled towards him with a concerned smile. "You are alright today I trust? I'm certain we could locate a stand-in teacher to accompany the students and me today if… if you're not feeling… up to it?"

"I am quite well, thank you Minerva," Remus responded – sounding almost truthful, though he wasn't sure why he hadn't leapt at the chance to return to his solitude. She gave him a stare that suggested she didn't believe a word of it, but nodded nonetheless. "I've looked far worse in the past," he added with a hint of the old Marauder sparkle. "As I'm sure you remember from times gone by!" McGonagall's lip twitched slightly.

"Thank you for the reminder of my age, Remus," she said almost in a whisper. "But do remember there are still people to help you through these erm… phases," McGonagall continued with a more sympathetic, nostalgic look. "Even your stiff-lipped ex-Head of House."

"Of course, and I do appreciate it. Especially Snape's help, which I never thought I would say! Anything to avoid the strangely-silent-for-the-past-16-years _Shrieking Shack_!" Remus quipped, prompting a knowing look and a wry smile from the older witch.

"Let's get on with this business shall we?" she stated suddenly, all sense of sentiment lost as they both turned to approach the assembled group of students. As Remus observed the gaggle, many coupled up and holding hands, or laughing and joking with their friends, he viewed their excitement somewhat enviously. Attempting to steer away from Memory Lane he bit into the banana and waved politely at a trio of seventh year Hufflepuffs who had greeted him. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

**A/N. Well, there goes another chapter. A lot of waffle again, and random introduction of several new characters! I probably could've dealt with that one a bit better. Anyway just wanted to get in a bit of the transformation-hangover here!  
If you were wondering, the random foodfight was unfortunately inspired by real life events. Luckily no mushroom was involved, but there was cornflake throwing at breakfast in my first year of uni. So mature...  
I haven't really read through this chapter since I wrote it as I was rushing to get it done before I went away, so if it reads badly, that's my excuse! As usual, any comments, questions, criticism is welcomed. Thanks for reading**


	9. You Do Something To Me

**Welcome back everyone! I'm sorry that it's been a while between chapters but I've had some real-life issues; namely losing my laptop to some BS who decided to break into my house. Nice, hey? **

**Anyway, back with a vengeance - and a new laptop - now, with lots of long-hand scribblings to type up and form new chapters; and this is the first one of those. Both of our dear protagonists are acting a bit strangely in this chapter. What could it possibly mean? Anything? You'll have to keep coming back for more to find out! **

**As always, please leave a review if you can - even if it's negative! And thank you to everyone who is continuing to read this, especially if you are among those who review. Much appreciated!**

* * *

"Oh look who it is!" Jack announced, focusing his vision particularly on Lara as he addressed the group. When he gained their attention he jerked his head towards a newly arrived figure, conversing with Professor McGonagall. Seven pairs of eyes simultaneously fell on Remus Lupin, who realised this within seconds and gave them a slightly nervous smile.

"So much for your home for the weekend theory," Jo said to Sam with a victorious smirk.

"Perhaps he's been ill," Fabio mused, wrinkling his nose as he squinted to get a better judgement.

"Certainly looks that way doesn't it, look at the state!" Bec smirked, with a subtle wink at Jo.

They all did look, and indeed their Professor did not look too healthy; his face was pale and rather needed to see a razor, his hair scruffier than usual and his eyes lined and surrounded by dark circles.

"Maybe he's just been on a big bender!" Jo laughed and Simon shot her a loaded look.

"Maybe it's none of our business?" Lara snapped, with a mixture of annoyance and anxiety.

"Come off it Lara, out of us all you know you want-" Jo rolled her eyes as she spoke before Simon interrupted sharply.

"_Let's_ just get a move on shall we, everyone's heading off." The Prefect in him was indomitable.

Lara smiled at him and Bec quickly grabbed her arm, beginning to distract her by talking about where they should visit in Hogsmeade.

* * *

After the initial rush of shopping, enthusiasm was overcome by hunger, and the group somehow simultaneously arrived at the Three Broomsticks to indulge in some lunch. Lara and Bec in particular were rather hungry, having failed to eat that morning. Lara had been too grumpy about Lupin's absence to get out of bed, and thus Bec hadn't been awoken as usual. It had been more of a relief than Lara dared to admit – even to herself – when Lupin had appeared in the Entrance Hall to escort them to Hogsmeade. There was something about his mysterious nature that was so compelling. She would quite literally happily have observed him for hours on end, given the chance; which, on reflection, was a touch worrying. Her friends were already suspicious, and Lara knew it. They weren't exactly subtle about it after all. She was however determined that there was nothing to suspect; it was ridiculous to imagine that she might someday have any form of inappropriate feelings for him. 

Yet even after just this first month, she was compelled to accept that he certainly had a strong allure, so that in her weaker moments she did in fact question if her friends were truly justified in their suspicions.

The man in question was presently in the very same pub, tapping his fingers somewhat impatiently on the side of his tankard. Upon his arrival at the tavern he had downed a large Firewhiskey and now nursed a pint of mulled mead, slowly sipping at it whilst waiting for his food order to be fulfilled.

For much of his adult life Remus Lupin had been reluctant to visit Hogsmeade, or any other completely wizarding town or village for that matter. Since a couple of failed job interviews there almost a decade ago, it seemed everyone who worked in or visited the village knew of his condition. Resultantly he now received more loathsome looks and accusatory mutterings than even the most disgusting of Hags or Trolls when he dared walk through. As such, his head was usually kept down, as now in a quiet corner of the pub. He had considered trying a quieter pub for his lunch but determined that if anywhere would be welcoming, it would be the Three Broomsticks. If only there weren't so many students about, all would be well.

Typically though, most of the Hogwarts recruits were too concerned with their own angst-ridden, hormone-driven lives to pay much regard to their new teacher, shying away from the other two Professors. Even Lara Graham had not noticed him yet. Not even the girl who always greeted him with a smile, who looked at him quizzically when she thought he couldn't see her gaze. Not even she had afforded him a glance as of yet. He had noticed it a few times, but to date was unable to interpret the meaning behind it.

Was it a look of pity? Of confusion, intrigue? Did she suspect his secret? Was she hoping for him to slip up?

Remus had reprimanded himself the last time he had wondered this. It was unlikely there was any meaning to it, of course. He was merely being paranoid. Of course she didn't suspect anything. And nobody cared enough to pity him, or knew enough to have deduced his secret so soon. For somebody who worried about being liked, Lupin certainly complicated things through his tendency to over-analyse. He longed to be accepted, but never allowed himself to accept that maybe, possibly, he could be.

* * *

Despite her earlier wonderings on the mystery of Lupin's weekend absence, Lara was easily distracted by her friends in Hogsmeade and was having a very good day. They were all in high spirits and enjoying their lunch before the Lupin subject encroached her consciousness again. This time it was far more justified too; he passed quite close by on his way out of the pub. 

"Didn't even notice him come in," Bec stated, as though reading Lara's mind. "He wasn't sitting with McGonagall either..."

Lara shrugged nonchalantly, with a glance to the door as it closed behind the departing Lupin.

"Maybe he was just passing through," she speculated, attempting a tone of indifference.

"Not stalking our Professor again are you girls?" Jack teased, smirking at the pair of them.

"Stalking?!" Bec laughed. "Hardly..."

"Don't you think if we were stalking him we might have noticed him sooner? Imbecile," Lara retorted sharply.

"_Oo__-__ooh_!" Jack replied girlishly, feigning offence. "Touchy subject, clearly!" Fabio and Simon, either side of him, grinned and grimaced respectively.

"Sod this for a game of soldiers," Lara stated and, shoving a last chip in her mouth, she got up and stalked her way out of the room.

"Seriously?" Jack said to the group, now concerned. "THAT touchy?!"

"Give her time to realise what she's feeling, and the futility of it..." Sam said, shrugging it off. "And then she'll be able to laugh about it all."

Bec and Simon exchanged sceptical looks, but remained silent. Before anything else could be said, the conversation had been skilfully changed by a chirpy Jo, and the incident was soon forgotten.

Lara walked down the street feeling relatively confused by her outburst and petulant actions. Of course she hadn't truly been sufficiently offended to storm out, leaving half of her lunch behind. Nonetheless, she certainly was glad of the excuse to be alone for a while. Much as she loved her friends, and she really did – most of the time – it could get too much at times. Group situations were fine, but as she was in a particularly peculiar mood today, Lara required a pittance of alone time. Explaining to one's friends that you do not wish to spend time with them is an unenviable task at the best of times, thus the opportunity to escape was readily welcomed.

* * *

Seeking a distraction from the bustling street, Lara eyed the local pet shop in the near distance. The idea struck her to call in for some cat treats while in the vicinity. Successful though the shop was, it was not often the most popular port of call for NEWT-level Hogwarts students... and hence the perfect sanctuary. 

Immediately through the door sat the resident cat, black and huge, with orange eyes that greeted each and every customer with suspicion. Marvelling at its sheer size, and not for the first time, Lara entered the shop and scratched its ears on the way past to the back room. Food and treats were at the front of the shop, but the back room was more interesting, hosting a selection of creatures - ranging from the cute and cuddly to more sinister, strange-looking beasts.

Lara's eyes were instantly drawn to the dark, raftered ceiling as she entered the room, observing a small fleet of owls that hooted softly and blustered their way about the higher levels of the shop. There were very few people in the room; only a boy and his mother who were both squinting into a murky tank, and a light-haired man, speaking in soft tones to a young female shop assistant who held an owl on one arm.

It only took Lara a beat to recognise the man talking about the owl, and she presently turned her back on him, coming face-to-face with a caged ferret. It bared its teeth at her and she stepped back slightly from the bars.

"Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks," she mouthed, whilst trying to grin at the ferret, now twitching its whiskers at her mischievously.

"Okay, thank you for your help," Lupin's words grew louder as he turned from the witch with whom he had been conversing. The irritating ferret chose that exact moment to emit an ear-splitting squeak, and Lupin spun immediately to locate the source of the noise. Lara had raised her hands in a gesture of innocence in case the shopkeeper chose to accuse her, and tried to exit quickly, but the damage had already been done.

"Why good afternoon Lara," Professor Lupin said, treating her to a subtle half-grin that suggested more was hidden than was on display. "Are you terrorising the animals?"

Lara looked affronted at the suggestion, caught between laughter and derision.

"I was just looking..." she began to protest, but the shop assistant had already walked away and Lupin was chuckling softly. Lara's eyebrows shot up.

"I was hoping to purchase an owl," Lupin went on, as though his teasing had never occurred. "I shall have to go to Diagon Alley though; these are all short-distance fliers!" His voice may have been unusually chirpy but signs of fatigue and stress were visible on his heavily marked face. Lara continued to stare at him, completely bemused.

"I er... was just going back out..." Lara murmured, feeling pressured and awkward all of a sudden.

"Absolutely, absolutely," Lupin continued in his cheery tone. He gestured for her to proceed before him back into the main room of the shop, which she did swiftly without a backward glance.

"I should do well to get back into the fray too," Lupin was still chattering. "Watch over the flock..." He smiled at a sour-faced old witch who was giving him decidedly disapproving looks. "Duty calls!"

"See you later," Lara managed, completely baffled by his abnormal behaviour.

"Thanks again Cilla," Lupin finished with a grin at the blonde shop assistant, who was now mindlessly adjusting a display of tinned owl treats.

"Bye bye!" the young witch chirruped, flashing an annoying smile after the retreating Lupin. Lara suddenly felt an intense, unprovoked dislike for Cilla, the peachy pet shop worker.

As soon as the door was safely closed behind him, Lupin's grin vanished and he sighed as he walked on; hands in pockets and head down once more. Masquerading as a calm, cheerful Professor was getting increasingly difficult as the day went on and fatigue caught up with him, and the gossip about Sirius that Cilla had offered him did precious little to lighten the load.

Back inside the shop Lara quickly selected some fish-flavoured cat biscuits and a toy mouse that was enchanted to scutter about and entice its predator. She made sure to approach the male shop worker to pay for her products, all the time keeping a wary eye on the perky Cilla. She pocketed her change and flashed the wizard at the till her very best cheesy grin. Then she too left the shop, off to relocate her friends – via a trip to Honeydukes to buy them some conciliatory chocolate!


	10. Writing Again, These Letters to You Pt 1

_Hello Padfoot, old friend,_

_I don't know exactly why I'm writing this, I may not even send it... but there are certain things that have needed to be said for too long now._

_Not for the first time in the past 12 years I find I am having difficulty accepting your guilt. I feel terrible for it, as though I'm besmirching James's memory just by thinking it. And yet, I've doubted it since day one. We both know I had my reservations about you taking on the responsibility, and if by some small miracle you are innocent, then I will apologise for it endlessly... When it came to it though, I would have done exactly the same as James. We all would have entrusted our lives to one another, I'm sure you'd agree on that._

_But that all just makes it so much harder to comprehend. Why did you do it? After your upbringing, then everything we went through together at school, and afterwards... How could you? I don't understand when it all changed. What happened to you? What could he possibly have offered that was worth more to you than the life of your best friend? I really want to understand, I want to put my mind at ease. They say you've gone mad, and I really half hope that is the case, albeit for selfish reasons. If not then the best years of my life were in some part a complete lie; they have decimated in worth. Then again, if you have lost it, why did I never notice it? We were, after all, frequently in such close contact then. As a friend I should have seen the signs, should I not?_

_Perhaps they were there and I ignored them, or was too much of a coward to concede to the possibility. I have always been a coward to some extent; you know that, I know that. It's why I haven't been in touch all these years. And I've wanted to, believe me. At times I have wanted to rant and rave at you, at others I've just wanted to know why, as I do now. I don't know if they ever told you but I even arranged to visit you once. About ten years ago now... Got as far as the gates then turned tail and fled. There's that cowardice, again. Too cowardly even to send a letter. This isn't the first time I've sat and started writing, but I've always given up, or backed out of sending it. Fear? Maybe. Perhaps I just didn't actually want to accept the truth. You're clearly not the man I once knew. What's to say I would have received a response? You may not know who I am anymore. I suppose what I was – and am – most afraid of is getting a confession, in your own words... and for the doubt to end once and for all._

_So why am I writing all this now? Rather hypocritical you might say... I would not contest that allegation either. Truth is, frankly speaking, I'm a bit of a mess. I am back at the school now, Sirius, with Harry – but then of course you already know about him. You should see him though; chip off the old block is an understatement. What am I saying? Of course you shouldn't see him - I pray that you never do. I know you intend to finish what you started._

_Does that include me?_

_Want rid of the whole gang?_

_Since your escape I am in a tempestuous state, with all these questions not giving me a moment's peace. Some days too I think I should inform the authorities – or Albus at least – of your furry alter-ego. I daren't do it though, which is fortunate for you. Once more, the cowardice shines through. Playing ignorant is so much easier, safer... For the first time in many years I actually have an existence I value, I have something to lose... and I'm not sure I could bear that. Not after everything. So I'm laying low and wimping out of doing the right thing._

_... Instead I'm composing letters to my convict-on-the-run ex-best-friend. Perhaps it isn't you who are the mad one. I certainly think I'm well on my way...  
_

Remus groaned and threw his quill across the desk. It landed on an open book to the right of his letter, splattering the pristine pages with dark blotches of ink. He glared at it with contempt for a second before realising the banality of spilt ink and putting his aching head into his hands. He wondered what he had been thinking when he set out on this venture. Even though he did indeed have ways and means – albeit that they were slightly unlawful ones – of probably getting a letter to Sirius, it remained as stupid an idea now as it was twelve years ago, nine years ago, five years ago... last Spring... He had in fact decided by the second paragraph that he was never going to send it, but there was something so strangely therapeutic about getting his feelings down on paper. It was almost as good as sending it just to write it, just to lay out on a page the tumult that was in his head.

He buried his fingers deep into his unruly hair as he read over the garbled words in front of him. The melodrama of it in places would have made him laugh if not for the seriousness of the circumstances. Strange though it was, having only just composed it, there were certain lines he did not recall writing. Thoughts had spilt out onto the page that he had not realised were on his mind. The suggestion that Sirius may have designs on his head as well as Harry's had never occurred to him, at least not consciously. Likewise the possibility of explaining to Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus caused an uncomfortable twisting sensation in his stomach. How could he admit to such immense betrayal after everything Dumbledore had done for him over the years? – Not least of all providing him with a job when nobody else would. It was too difficult for the least courageous Gryffindor to have graced the halls of Hogwarts to contemplate.

The letter obviously could not be sent - too risky, too pointless, too real... but even so it could be retained. It had helped clear his mind a lot that evening and reflected his troubles too perfectly to be thrown away. In truth, Remus did not have the heart to discard it. In some way, although he had accepted long ago that his old friend could not read it, keeping it did serve a similar purpose. He could nearly believe it had been sent if he didn't have to burn it. Therefore, knowing it did not matter, but needing to do it, he picked up the quill once more. Dipping it quickly in the ink well, he added a couple of rushed lines to the bottom of the parchment.

_Truth is Sirius; I want you to be in the clear. I miss you. I want us to be friends once more, to regain a scrap of what made my life valuable. Every day that I read the news, it terrifies me, but excites me in equal measure. Despite it all, I believe in you Padfoot. Please, someday, let the faith of a stubborn, ignorant, naive werewolf be repaid._

**

* * *

Ok all, quite a short chapter here... (part one of two in a similar vein) and quite a departure from what I've done so far. For that reason I'd love to know what you think of this chapter in particular. Does this format thrown in randomly work? Do you think it's something Lupin might do? Way out of character? Also, just what do you think of the content? I just started writing and it flowed really naturally, for some reason. A bit like as I said for Lupin himself. So any insight, comments, criticism etc is widely welcomed! Hope you enjoyed it**


	11. Writing Again, These Letters to You Pt 2

**Howdy all, this chapter is basically a follow-up to the one before, continuing on the letters theme. It's not a format I'm going to use a lot, but may crop up again a few times in the future, so any thoughts on whether it works well or not? Also it gets a bit random towards the end, just a bit of filler/character development for ya! Enjoy, hopefully, and come back for more!!**

_

* * *

_

_Hey Lara!_

_Finally got round to writing to you and going to call round your parents' house so they can send this to you from me. Not quite sure how I'd get hold of an owl myself, but I gather they're well practiced at it by now!_

_How's it going so far this year? Any of the boys managed to get attractive over the summer? It's a bit crap that you don't have new people coming in 6th year. We've got loads of new students here, and... Well I might as well just say it; I've fallen for one already. I know what you're thinking, it's really soon after James... but really it's not that soon, and he's really worth the effort! His name's Scott, and he's tall and really well-built and he's got black hair and beautiful brown eyes... It was one of those love at first sight things. I never believed it possible before but with Scotty I knew from day one that I wanted to be with him. It took him a bit longer to realise that he felt the same way about me, but we've finally got there now and I think he really likes me. He's really kind and quite rich, he's always paying for us to go out and stuff! Sorry, I know I'm raving on like a mad-woman but I think I'm in love already, I really do. Can't wait for you to meet him, I think he'd meet even your exacting standards!_

_And on that note, when are you going to bring someone home to meet us? Or are we non-magic folk not good enough to meet your wizardy friends??! I'm expecting to have met a young magic man by the time you leave that school or I'll be most displeased. By the time you've finished at school all the good blokes here will have been snapped up so sorry, I see no other option but for you to find someone at that school of yours! Are you even coming home this Christmas by the way? You better be home sometime soon cos you know I can't exactly come to visit you. Not even allowed to know where you are..._

_Anyway I hope things are going well. I've gotta head off, work to do and people to see and all that... Think I've said enough for now. I could go on and on about A-levels and Scott but I have a feeling you're probably already bored! But hey, since I've written to you now you'd better write back – no excuses! Try to restrict how much you tell me about how fantastic magic is though... I know it's great, and I know I can't do it, so shhh! Hehe._

_Talk to you soon – work hard!_

_Love T x x x_

* * *

Lara smiled whilst reading the letter she had received at breakfast that morning, the weekend after the trip to Hogsmeade. Some people never changed, and by the looks of her latest letter, her oldest friend Tammy was one of them. She was often falling, hard, for boys at school, so this latest relationship did not come as a surprise. As happy as Lara was for her friend, she still harboured mixed feelings. For one, she could not imagine that this was going to end happily, it rarely did... and once more, not for the first time in the past fifteen years of their friendship, she was jealous. She was deadly jealous that Tammy had once again found somebody to wine and dine her, somebody to care for and be close to. 

It wasn't that Lara had not had any relations with the opposite sex since she had been at Hogwarts, it just so happened that none of them had ever blossomed into anything worthwhile; anything more than a sneaky kiss or two at Hogsmeade or in the grounds of the school. She always said she wasn't particularly interested in finding a boyfriend, and almost had herself convinced of it, but the truth was that she would have loved to have somebody to love. The problem was that there was rarely anybody she had any interest in, and when there was, they were far too good-looking, or too popular to ever date her – just generally too good for her!

Composing a response to Tam suddenly seemed a far harder task than it usually was. In truth, a lot had happened so far that year, inside her head at least, and it was churlish to deny her friend of such insights as they were damned rare. Naturally she wanted to raise the subject of Professor Lupin, but how best to approach that subject? And how to disappoint Tammy once more, and tell her that there was still no love interest on the scene? Keeping it casual usually yielded the best results in such correspondence; for all of her friend's questions, it was uncommon for her to genuinely care that much. Lara settled at the desk by the window in her dormitory and after a few minutes of staring out over the vista, she began to write a usual non-committal reply.

_Alright Tam, good to hear from you – naturally!_

_Seems like a long time already since I last saw you. As usual you seem to have had an eventful time of it! Congratulations on the Scott thing! I hope he's as fantastic as you say he is, or he'll have me to answer to when I'm next in the area..._

_You didn't really go into much detail as to how the schoolwork is actually going... did you pick good subjects? You know I don't understand too much how it works there these days; Mum's always saying it's changed loads since her day, and Soph never really spoke about school when she was there so... So fill me in, basically!_

_And what can I tell you about my year so far? ... Did I ever mention that magic is fantastic? No? It must have slipped my mind. But it totally is! We're getting to do quite advanced stuff now, the kinds of things you always see on films and in books and never believe can really happen. When I'm next home I'll have turned 17 so I'll actually be allowed to show you some stuff. Then maybe you'll understand it better. Muahaha. That's a point, if that boy isn't up to scratch I know some pretty decent hexes I can get him with! Anyway, as we both know I'm now just taking the piss, cos I know you don't want to hear about that. Sadly though to be honest there's not much else I can discuss._

_The boys are still boys... muggles or wizards, they're all the same. All immature, all disgusting... and yet sometimes infuriatingly cute! Ha, but then you know all about that. When you live in such close contact with guys they tend to lose their appeal a bit more! My mate Bec keeps moaning actually about there being no "fresh blood" every year... but then, as I'm sure I've told you, she's still insisting on finding our Potions teacher attractive... and that's not good by any stretch of the imagination. We do have a new teacher actually. I guess that's about as exciting as it gets but... there's something a bit odd about him. You're going to shoot me for this - that same old habit is kicking in – but I find myself desperately trying to figure him out. You know what I get like with these "projects"... it seems Professor Lupin is the latest one._

_The most annoying thing is though, since I've been interested..._

No... No, not interested. That sounded far too suspicious. Lara crossed it out quickly and continued writing, as though the sooner she did it, the sooner it would erase the word from her consciousness.

_... intrigued by him, I seem to see him everywhere! Like literally, bumping into him all over the place. It's like somebody has picked up on my little bit of interest and is challenging me. You know what I mean? It's as though somebody is saying to me "Right, you want to work him out? Well go ahead, here he is! And again... and again... oh, and you're out for an early morning stroll, watch out because you're about to walk into him again!" Worst thing is that it isn't helping. It's just making things a bit more awkward. I don't want him to think I'm a freak._

She paused again and thought this over. "I don't want him to think I'm a freak" – why don't I want him to think I'm a freak? Why does it matter what he thinks? From this she determined it was best to change the subject sharply. Add a joke or something to make it more casual and move on...

_I've got enough people thinking I'm crazy as it is, without the new teacher – who will have quite a bit of influence over things this year as this is a pretty important subject! – jumping on the bandwagon!! Maybe I'm just delaying the inevitable, but I'd like to do it for as long as I can._

_Right I had better get some work done myself. I'm not sure when I'll be home, depends what the family plans are for Christmas. I might stay here to get more work done – and besides that, the castle is beautiful in the festive season! I'll keep you posted on when I'll be around. I might even arrange for some of my "wizardy" friends to visit over the summer. Can't guarantee a nice "young magic man", but I'll keep my eyes peeled in case any of them evolve at all!!!_

_Write again soon, I want more news!_

_Sending magic cheer your way,_

_Lara xxx_

_P.S. Not a cheery subject, but I might have my own owl soon to do these letter flights. Mum reckons poor Sparkles is on her way out – I don't know why, she's only 18 poor girl – and that when she er... "passes on" then Dad will get me an owl instead. Would be nice to have both, but one pet is the rule... sadly._

* * *

As Lara rolled up the completed letter, she looked down at her cat, sleeping on the comfiest pillow on her bed, and felt instantly guilty. She didn't want to lose Sparkles, and felt bad for even talking about it, even if her Mum did keep raising the subject. All her life, Lara had lived with Sparkles, the black and white cat who had been brilliantly named by Lara's three year old sister. The name didn't suit the plucky animal at all, but presenting a small girl with a cute kitten was bound to yield bizarre results. So it was that Sparkles was baptised into the family, and as such Lara had never known a day without her, as she had the good fortune to be allowed to bring her to Hogwarts. It took quite an argument, but seeing as Sophia was going away to University before much longer, Lara won the case, and with it, the cat. 

With a sharp pang of sadness and a greater sense of affection, she slunk across to the bed quietly and sat besides Sparkles, who lazily only opened one eye to assess the situation before pretending to sleep once more. Lara lightly stroked the black fur between the cat's ears, and then traced the familiar triangle of white on her side. Through thick and thin, Sparkles had been Lara's companion. At Hogwarts, she was the link to the Muggle world of home; at home she was a reminder of life at school. She was ever-constant and ever-comforting, and curled up by the side of her faithful pet Lara let herself release all thoughts of Lupin; of Tam and Scott and of the mountain of homework that awaited her attention. What the two shared was a relationship without the drama, a cuddle without the connotations, and a love without anxiety.


	12. I Don't Wanna Talk About It

**Welcome back one and all. Sorry it's been a while since the last chapter, having to prioritise work and stuff at the moment. Much rather be writing but what can you do... **

**Bit of a short chapter here, sort of just working on filling in the gaps at the moment, as I have some more eventful chapters coming up... Anyway, hope you like, I know it's a tad boring this time round... **

**Also, thanks to those of you who keep reading, and welcome to any new readers. Special thanks for my reviewers, I appreciate the comments**

* * *

As September turned into October, the reality of being back at school began to hit home with a far greater ferocity than the first three weeks. If the homework load wasn't big before, it certainly was now, and the tone each lesson took was more and more serious by the day. For the sixth years this meant a greater emphasis on the progress tests that would be taking place after the Christmas holidays. The nights were drawing in rapidly and with the fading of the summer, faded Lara's motivation.

She sat alongside Simon, Fabio and Sam in the Ravenclaw common room on the first Wednesday, attempting to battle through a particularly difficult Potions essay that Simon claimed was meant to catch them out. As such, the students were determined to make a success of it and, with Simon as ringleader, the small band of them had been slaving away for hours, trying to grasp the principles of brewing success. Lara stared absently out of the nearest window at the twilight sky, whilst Sam explained some of the details to Fabio, gently and patiently. Simon chewed the end of his quill as he squinted through his glasses at a page of solid hand-written theory.

"You'll make a good teacher someday Sam," Lara commented, without removing her gaze from the window.

"I'll what?" Sam replied with disbelief. "I'm useless with children and... public-speaking and stuff!" There was a look of blatant incomprehension on her tired face, and Fabio joined her in staring his disagreement at Lara. Turning to see their befuddled faces Lara could not help but laugh.

"I've been listening to you explaining that rule," she smiled. "I think even I understand it now, you've got a real knack with that sort of thing."

Sam raised both eyebrows so far that they disappeared under her fringe, and Lara turned to Simon for support.

"Well I understood it anyway," was all he could contribute; at least until both Fabio and Lara glared at him reproachfully. "But," he back-pedalled, "that was a very clear summary. Idiot-proof even... _clearly_!" Although the last word was almost whispered, Lara still caught full wind of it and threw a cushion at him, defensively.

Fabio and Sam then entered deep conversation on the matter, reaching the conclusion that perhaps when the next career talks came round she should indeed consider the option of teaching, especially as they then could both stay at Hogwarts indefinitely. Lara only half-listened, reading over what she had written down for her essay, while Simon buried his nose back into the challenging manuscript.

"I'm bored," Lara sighed after a few minutes, seemingly the longest she had ever lived through. "Anybody want to take a break?"

"No time," Simon said simply.

"Just had one," Sam answered, on Fabio's behalf as well. He looked vaguely disappointed but didn't voice any disagreement.

"Meh," Lara said simply. "Well I'm going for a wander. Got a letter to send to the parents actually so..." she trailed off, realising nobody was really listening. "So I'll go jump off the top tower. Any objections?"

"Have fun," Simon said, completely clueless. Meanwhile Fabio was picking at a loose thread on Sam's robes, Sam herself scribbling down some notes at great speed.

"I'll miss you too..." Lara mumbled, as she sloped off towards the staircase to fetch her letter.

* * *

The owlery was fairly busy for the time of evening. A couple of Gryffindor seventh years were squinting out into the growing darkness, seemingly awaiting something important, a quietly-spoken first-year was in the middle of the room trying to summon down an owl, and a trio of Slytherins were poring over a recently arrived letter and whispering excitedly. Lara whistled for one of her favourite screech owls, who hastily swooped down to her shoulder and nipped her ear.

"Nice to see you too," she said quietly. "Another one for home I'm afraid. Sorry for the lengthy flight." The owl seemed to understand somehow, as he gave a soft hoot when she finished speaking and fluttered over to the nearest window ledge, sticking out a leg.

Lara had just finished tying the scroll to the outstretched leg when another owl hurtled through the same window, causing her to leap out of the way. She recognised it instantly as the speedy, but rather temperamental, female barn owl who had taken her last letter to Tammy. It circled her incessantly, squawking, as she tried to pet the screech owl who was today her messenger. The screech owl took off in disgust, and disappeared quickly into the night. Finally the barn owl seemed satisfied and came to perch in the spot the other had departed.

"Can you shut that thing up?" moaned one of the Slytherins, and Lara noticed all eyes in the room were now on her.

"Not my fault it's a little sod!" she retorted grumpily, and received a sharp peck for her troubles. "Alright, alright!" With the stricken finger in her mouth, Lara struggled to untie the message the owl was sporting, but before long she had it in her grasp. "Thank you!" The owl made to take off, but Lara grabbed its leg. "No, no..." she argued. "Excuse me?" The timid first-year looked at her in shock. "Yep, you. Would you like to use this owl?"

It looked rather as though the small boy could think of nothing worse as he regarded the huffy creature, but he had been so unsuccessful in summoning an owl of his own that he nodded gratefully. He shuffled over without a word, and Lara assisted him in attaching his lengthy letter home, her own new arrival shoved in a pocket.

_See, I wouldn't make such a bad prefect, _she thought as she smiled reassuringly at the boy who was fretting that his letter may not arrive safely.

"You'll hear back from your parents in no time mate, I'd put money on it!" Lara stated, trying to sound sure for her own sake as much as the boy's. It would be just her luck to have sent a rogue owl off into the wilderness with a homesick child's letter, never to return.

As she left the owlery and descended the stairs silently, she recalled that she had just received a letter herself, and pulled it out of her pocket. It was tightly folded, and her concentration was so much on opening it that she did not see Professor Snape walking right at her. When the letter was finally unfolded the shockwave that hit her was twofold. Not only were the words that faced her the last ones she expected to see, but at the same time her foot hit something hard and she looked up to see the Potions Master stock still before her, giving one of his best glares.

Crumpling the letter up quickly, but fearing he had already seen it, Lara grinned apologetically.

"Is it so hard to look where you're going?" Snape snapped. "And they say Ravenclaws are the intelligent ones? You have to wonder..."

"Sorry Professor," Lara managed to mutter. "I erm... unexpected letter." She attempted a smile.

"You had better hope we don't collide again, young lady," Snape went on, his glowering eyes on hers. There was a slight smirk on his pale face that concerned Lara, increasing the possibility that he had seen the message. "I may be inclined to deduct house points for any more... clumsiness." Lara knew this was unjust and possibly an empty threat, but with the situation as delicate as it was concerning what was written on the paper still in her grasp, she simply nodded.

"Won't happen again, Sir," she said in appeasement. It appeared Snape was satisfied by this as he took an over-emphasised sideward step and continued on his way without another word. With a glance over her shoulder, Lara recovered the screwed-up paper ball from a clammy fist behind her back and unravelled it once more. She shook her head as she looked down at the words, silently praying Snape had not caught sight of them, whether they be true or not. Written in large letters, and repeated several times across the sheet were the mocking words of her oldest friend...

**Lara loves Lupin**

**Lara loves Lupin**

**Lara loves Lupin!**

** Lara loves Lupin!!!**

* * *

Lara was not too impressed by Tammy's stunt. She was glad however that she had been alone when the letter had arrived; wondered if in fact Tam had somehow engineered it that way. Uninspired though she was by the simplistic and childish reply, Lara could not help but worry about the thought that had gone into those words. She had written quite the proper letter to Tam, and the fact that the only thing deemed worthy of a response was the mention of Professor Lupin had her racking her brains to try and remember exactly what she had said. Had she really conveyed somehow an unreasonable affection for Lupin? Had she written something that implied anything more than a vague intrigue in his character? More likely it was just Tam's attempt at a wind-up, perhaps she had wanted to stir up some sort of a rumour among Lara's school friends, create a bit of scandal!

Whatever the case was, Lara became painfully aware that she was worrying about it an undue amount. It was just a little note. It was just her old friend from Northwest-England suburbia trying to have a bit of fun across the miles. It didn't matter, because she did not love Lupin; and nobody in their right mind would ever suspect such a thing. Nonetheless she did not mention it to anybody either, didn't talk of the run-in with Snape or helping the boy in the owlery. In fact, she was strangely quiet for the rest of the night, and although still highly uninterested in her essay, the encounter with Snape gave her a renewed motivation to do a good job of it.

If he had seen Tammy's words it would definitely not do to get in his bad books. He wasn't to know they were just the teasing of a muggle friend. And if there was a fractious history between him and Lupin, his were certainly not the best eyes to have read such words. He was not the best person to hold such power and, as far as he knew, such valuable information.

... Not that it was remotely true, of course.


	13. I Hate You But I Love You

**Hello all, long time no update. Been busy with that real life lark... but now it's nearly Christmas it should be more relaxed and I'll hopefully be able to get a few chapters up soonish. Thanks to everyone who's sticking with this story, and to those of you who keep reviewing in particular. Hope those of you who don't review these days are still reading at least! As ever, any criticism, comments or questions are welcome. Enjoy (I hope!)**

* * *

As he prepared for Tuesday's sixth year class, Remus Lupin reflected on life with a mysterious new-found optimism. He wasn't fully aware what was causing it, as all the issues that normally plagued him were still present. Sirius was still on the run somewhere, he was still an impoverished, lonesome werewolf, and yet he was almost happy as he wandered the classroom, distributing books to each desk. It may have been the unseasonal sunshine, or the presence of a waning moon currently stalking the skies. Equally, or perhaps more likely, it was the renewed feeling of being accepted and appreciated – even liked – that he was currently experiencing. It was a feeling that filled him with warmth as unfamiliar to him as the heat of the sun was to an October sky. It had not been since his first period at Hogwarts that he had felt so comfortable, and so relaxed about the future.

"Morning!" he announced cheerfully as the first of his students entered the room.

"Alright," Lara responded half-heartedly. Tammy's letter was still screwed up in her pocket, and its subject was still playing on her mind.

"No Simon or Rebecca with you today?" Lupin enquired politely, undeterred by her less than enthusiastic entrance. Lara sighed deeply as she sunk down at a desk to his right.

"Prefect duties," she muttered, somewhat resentfully.

Lupin chuckled and shook his head. It did not escape Lara's notice. He looked at him quizzically.

"Sir?"

"You just sound so enthusiastic!" He continued to laugh softly. Lara was baited by this and sat up a bit straighter to look at him.

"Well are you surprised? Are you enthusiastic to be here?" she challenged sternly.

"Me?" He laughed again but looked a bit more serious. "Do I want to be here?" He stared at her intently and she nodded affirmation. "Well of course I do!"

"You have to say that," Lara said dismissively. "It's your duty or something..." She surprised herself with the confrontational tone she had adopted.

"If I wanted to stay in bed all day doing nothing, I would do," Lupin added with a smile.

Lara shrugged, sidelining the cheeky retort about his last day off, and returned his smile reluctantly.

Lupin was a little startled by the turn of conversation, but he was in good spirits so laughed it off as teenage hormones. Lara was, after all, relatively enthusiastic about school on the whole, so in essence he was probing for trouble in his initial comment.

* * *

The deliberations by both parties on whether to speak further were cut off by the entrance of more students. Lupin was able to welcome them instead, and Lara turned to the first friendly face she saw for a distraction.

"G'day Lara," Izzy said as she sidled into the desk adjacent. "You're early!"

There was light-hearted accusation in her voice, and Lara took offence to it.

"Friends ran off on me, that's all," she protested, a little too firmly.

"Well sure, I didn't think you'd been having a tryst with the teacher, don't panic!" Izzy teased, but quickly changed the subject on noting the change in Lara's expression. "You ok?"

"Meh. Been better," Lara said, unwilling to converse much further. "You?"

"Same really, but such is life. Nice day today at least..."

"Small comfort."

"Right then class!" Lupin's chirpy voice cut across the chatter of numerous students in the now nearly full room. Bec and Simon were still suspiciously absent. "Bit boring today, but we are going to do some theory work!" The class groaned in unison. Lupin smiled. "I had anticipated that. It's mainly out of the book on your desks – page 72 onwards – but to make it slightly more interesting, I want you to work in pairs. You'll be discussing the potential dangers, and aversion tactics thereof, of dealing with goblins. No prejudices please. I want you to seriously consider the perils. The _genuine_perils that is, not the possibility of being clubbed to death by their stupidity or inferiority."

There were a few laughs, but an equal number of worried and shocked expressions.

"Yes, that was a joke," Lupin smiled. "But," he went on more gravely, "you'd be surprised... It's a common misconception I have seen all too often. And then you're in trouble! There's a starting point for you. So... sensible discussion please! I shall be prompting you if it goes quiet... but try and manage at least five minutes before that. Go, go! Page 72!"

* * *

"Quirky little fella isn't he?" Izzy whispered to Lara, who smirked without response and glanced over her shoulder to see if Simon and Bec had arrived. They were sat at the back, and both gave her a quick grin before entering into discussion... one could only presume it was about goblins!

"I've been called a lot of things in my time, Isabella," Lupin said without looking at them, causing both girls to jump. "But that's a new one!"

Izzy smiled uneasily and Lara snorted with laughter. Lupin then looked up and gave them a lop-sided grin which caused Lara to experience an uncomfortable, yet strangely nice, sensation somewhere in her abdomen. The shock of this feeling did not leave quickly, and Lara stared into space for several minutes. Izzy regarded her for a minute, wanting to stall the work but becoming increasingly concerned by the distant expression her friend wore. Reluctantly, she commenced reading about goblins, concomitantly wondering quite when and how it would be best to discuss Lara's fascination with the man sat in front of them. Right now she wasn't even willing to discuss goblins, never mind a potential crush, so Izzy gave her time to contemplate without distraction. Professor Lupin meanwhile had begun wandering the room, checking that the silent students were at least reading, if not yet discussing.

"The goblins so fascinating that you prefer the wall?" Lupin's voice very close to her ear caused Lara to snap out of her reflection with a start.

"I... er..." It took her a beat to recover, before she attempted a witty retort. "I'm guessing they're not that fascinating, seeing as nobody has uttered a word on the subject yet."

At the back of the classroom Bec and Simon exchanged alarmed looks at the harshness of the reply. Izzy tried to find the picture of goblin metalwork on the page in front of her interesting, and a number more eyebrows were curved upward around the room. Lupin raised _both_ of his too, for a change, contemplating how he should react. Frankly he was slightly amused by her bluntness, but did not think it too teacherly to show any sign of this.

"Perhaps they too are captivated by the wall, Lara," he said firmly. "I am glad though, that something has at last caught your enthusiasm today!" Lara became a little flushed, but smiled cockily.

"Goblins it is," she said matter-of-factly. "Sir." Lupin had turned away already, but afforded himself a wry smile as he strolled back to his desk.

"Good, good," he continued, and turned to face the class. "Perhaps five minutes now conversing amongst yourselves... and then I'm certain that Miss Graham would love to initiate a group discussion!"

Lara visibly blushed this time, and although Lupin fixed her with a sincere look, she caught a hint of a smile as he sat down again and returned his own attention to the textbook.

Fortunately the exchange between Lara and Lupin had kicked the students into conversation, even if it was at first about Lara's cheek and the Professor's blatant sarcasm. The chatter did progress onto the actual task; even Lara made a particular effort to make insightful comments, and as instructed did speak up when it came to group discussion. She was sure to look at Lupin squarely when she talked, and he in turn was attentive and encouraging, even if the tone of banter was still evident when the two conversed.

At the end of the lesson when the students were packing away their belongings, Lara was hit on the back of the head with a balled up piece of paper. Turning to its source she saw Simon beaming, and he mimed unravelling the sheet and reading a message. Picking up the paper, she did as suggested light-heartedly, but on reading the note her face fell presently.

"Why don't you marry him already and get it over and done with?"

She turned to scowl at Simon and Bec, now both chuckling, and balled the note up again before shoving it into her robe pocket. As she did so however, unbeknown to her, Tammy's teasing message fell out of its hiding place and onto the floor by her chair leg.

Lupin had spotted this, and as the students were filing out, he called out to Lara once more.

"I think you've dropped something," he said politely. Lara looked back over her shoulder and saw the scrunched up sheet of paper on the floor. Lupin was closer to it than she was, and she had a fleeting feeling of terror that he was going to pick it up... and then possibly read it.

"It's nothing, I'll get it!" she said quickly, but Lupin had already pointed his wand at the terrible object, and levitated it upwards. The following seconds seemed to last an eternity as Lara stood frozen in fear. It was still unclear whether he was going to summon the paper over to him, or send it over to its owner. Lara looked him in the eye, and he noted the sign of desperation in her gaze. With a smile and a slight bow of the head he flicked his wand slightly, sending the wretched note swiftly in Lara's direction. She just had time to react and catch it gratefully, and returned it to her pocket post-haste. "Thanks Professor," she said, relief heavily evident in her voice. "Appreciate it."

"Any time," Lupin smirked. "Until next time, Lara." With a swift smile Lara spun on her heel and exited the room as hastily as she could muster.

"Sometimes I wonder if you really hate him, or are completely in love with him!" Jo said, appearing at her shoulder. Lara did not reply, but tightened the grip of her hand within her pocket and marched on. Her friends were left in her wake as she upped the pace and took an unexpected turn away from the beaten track that most students were taking. The Ravenclaws looked to Izzy, as though expecting an explanation for the odd behaviour.

"I think it's definitely the latter," was all she could contribute. "Though I'm not sure she really knows it yet."

"That's what we feared," Simon grumbled, furrowing his brow. They walked on towards their respective Common Rooms, and away from the harsh reality facing them all.


	14. Kicking Through the Autumn Leaves

October was quite uneventful after the lesson at the beginning of the month. There was a lot of work to be done, and as Lara was spending a lot of time on her own whilst her more diligent friends read and studied, there was nothing said further on the Lupin subject for a while either. Likewise, after their last strange exchanges in the goblin lesson, the conversation between Lara and her Professor was strangely absent. It was not a conscious decision by either party, but it transpired that in the next couple of lessons there was nothing said between them that was not of a strictly educational manner. With the tumult of emotions that frequently visited Lara at the time, it was a small relief to her that he wasn't being particularly friendly; that did tend to confuse things in her already perplexed brain. Lupin himself was experiencing a period of relative quiet all round. The warmth of early October had vanished swiftly and autumn was taking a firm hold over the region. The full moon was likewise rapidly approaching, and October was never the best month for him since the events than transpired twelve years ago. Generally, Remus was not feeling very optimistic about the coming weeks now, and it was reflected in his classroom and day-to-day manner.

One evening, the week prior to Halloween and thus the night prior to the full moon, Lupin was partaking in a lakeside stroll, his last chance at enjoying the mild weather before his old adversary confined him to his office for a couple of days. The tall trees along the South bank of the lake were shedding their leaves even as he walked, falling around him and adding to the piles of crispiness underfoot. Despite his resentment of October, Remus had been a fan of autumn since his childhood and, much like a child; he enjoyed kicking about the loose leaves, and thought the romantic crunch of an especially ripe leaf quite satisfying.

- - -

_"Isn't it beautiful this time of year?" _He imagined himself cast back in time eighteen years, having somebody to talk to on one of these walks, and having people to laugh at him too.

_"You're so soft, Moony!" _James's voice resounded in his head, clear as it had been all those years ago.

_"Pathetic excuse for a werewolf, I told you!" _Sirius's barking tone entered his mind, joining in the mocking.

_"Shhh!__ Not so publicly!" _He mentally reprimanded the memory of his friends, close to speaking out loud.

_"You're ashamed to be known as a werewolf, but not ashamed__to blather on about the romance of autumn??!" _

Sirius's humour had always been derogatory, bordering on cruel, but friendly. Lupin had always believed that, of all his friends, it was Sirius who loved him the most, partly because of comments such as these. Although he knew he could never have separated Sirius and James as best friends he, like Peter, was happy just to be a close second to both of them. Looking back, he became increasingly unsure of why he had believed Sirius to feel such affection for him, the evidence – to an outsider definitely – would appear to the contrary. Of course, even to an outsider it appeared that Sirius had loved James like a brother, and that backfired massively. Sirius was seemingly a master of deception, or perhaps just fickle, and power-hungry.

Coinciding with this thought, Lupin aimed a particularly forceful kick into a large pile of leaves and, as though for punishment, his foot met with a solid object. He yelped in pain and lost his balance. Presently he fell to the ground, cursing and grasping at his stricken foot with both hands, scattering yet more leaves as his backside hit the soggy earth. He clenched his jaw and lay back on the damp grass, defeated.

_Oh if my friends could see me now_, he thought regretfully.

He stayed there for some seconds before considering getting up, and just when the thought of moving entered his mind, a cool breeze cast itself over him, carrying with it a fresh flurry of leaves from the pile by which he was lying. As numerous leaves cascaded over his supine form, settling most notably in his hair and over his mouth, he was overcome with an urge to laugh. He shook his head briefly to be rid of the leaves and chuckled in acceptance, without straining himself to sit up.

"Pathetic excuse for a werewolf," he admitted, muttering through his amusement.

- - -

Unbeknownst to Lupin, he wasn't alone in this thought at that particular moment. Invisible to the horizontal Lupin, obscured to all other angles by thick bushes, but not a hundred yards away, the nose of a large black dog preceded eyes that regarded him with an expression as close to amusement as a dog could possibly achieve. Head cocked to one side, what little fur left that was not matted blew lightly in the breeze, causing the dog's hackles to rise. Padfoot felt sombre and peaceful, watching the troubled man, substituting his rage and hunger for a more nostalgic feeling. Moony hadn't changed. He was still the softest, most un-werewolf-like of werewolves, still the introspective man caught in a whirlwind of discontent. He walked in the same way, swore in the same slightly uncomfortable way, and it appeared, sulked in the same way.

The dog battled with a similar dilemma to the wolf. At that exact time he wanted nothing more than to bound over to his friend, to reveal himself, explain himself... to feel happy again with the company of another. Remus too contemplated non-stop revealing himself, explaining his history and that of his friends; coming clean to the man whom he now valued over all others. Regrettably, just as Lupin would share no such revelations with Dumbledore, Sirius would share none with Lupin. Although he longed to grasp again his friend's hand, to laugh in harmony with him and to cavalier around the fields, the gulf now between them could not be breached. In twelve years so much had changed, yet so much remained undefined. Remus still thought Sirius a guilty lunatic, Sirius had no plausible way of explaining that he was not.

Remus sat up suddenly as the first drops of an autumnal shower fell heavily across the scene. Out of the corner of his eye, as he shaped to stand up, he noted a swish of movement in the overgrowth close by. He thought he glimpsed a flash of black, moving away, deeper into the bush, but dismissed it as a trick of the light. The large dog that had been watching him seconds previously had spun with great speed and dived away from the gap in the hedge where his nose had been positioned. As Remus shook his head and gathered together his senses to return to the castle, the shaggy beast let out a soft sigh and waited for him to depart properly. Only when he could no longer hear the sound of quietening footfalls did the dog too shake itself out a trance and turn to run. He ran as far as he could, through the rain, away from the castle, through the magically opening gateway and back to the hideaway of an outlaw.

* * *

Lara woke up in tears on the morning of the 27th October, dawn had not yet broken and thankfully her roommates hadn't awoken either. She generally hadn't been sleeping well so far that year, and experienced lots of bad dreams when she did manage to get a good stint in. The night's sleep she had just had was one of these occasions. Despite struggling until the early hours to get to sleep at all, she had eventually dozed off. What seemed like only a couple of hours had passed before the tears of her dream turned to real tears and brought her back to reality with great discomfort. Keeping as quiet as possible, she calmed herself and managed to stem the crying whilst remembering the details of the disturbing nightmare. Her parents had gone missing this time, while on holiday without her, and hadn't been seen for a week. She had found out through a stranger, and was digesting the news in tears when she woke up.

Her first instinct was to get in touch with her mum, affirm that they were both alive and well, but this was quickly dismissed as unreasonable, it was only 5.30am. The next best thing was to find Sparkles and at least have her to cuddle but, as was becoming as commonplace that year as the sleep problems, she was not sleeping on the bed as she had done every night without fail for the first five years at Hogwarts. Already in a vulnerable state, this shook Lara considerably, so she got out of bed, quickly dressed in the bathroom and set off to have a quick hunt around the castle for her companion. Shakily she scouted around the common room, calling quietly the cat's name. There was no response but for a few disgruntled looks from other animals that had been sound asleep about the room.

_She could be skulking around with that great ginger thing again_, Lara considered. _If only__ I could get in the Gryffindor c__ommon __r__oom to check. _

Just in case, she headed next towards there, assuming it was possible that Sparks would be in the vicinity if not in the room itself. In Lara's mind the stupid cat was too old for this sort of gallivanting and very inconsiderate for not being around when she was needed. Squinting her way along the scarcely-lit passages, Lara softly clicked her tongue, hoping for a familiar pair of eyes to appear from the dark corners. She had no success, for several minutes. Drifting past the entrance to the Gryffindor common room brought no luck either, and eventually she paused, leaning on a nearby window ledge and gazing out over the grounds, more daylight gradually being cast over the hills and trees. It was a melancholy position, and did nothing to lift Lara's mood, even though the beauty of a forthcoming sunrise increased with each passing minute.

- - -

"Ahh for fuck's sake," she said miserably, leaning her head against the cold wall. She did not recoil at the icy contact, but a confused "hello?" from elsewhere caught her attention. She turned, certain she recognised that voice, and was greeted with a lit wand preceding its owner through a nearby doorway.

"Professor Lupin," she said, barely surprised. _Who else_, she went on to think.

"Ah, morning Lara," Lupin responded with a smile. As he ventured further into the light from the window Lara noted that once again he was not looking too healthy.

"Bit early for a stroll," Lara said nonchalantly, trying to disguise the warm feeling his greeting had prompted. There was something in the way the word 'morning' sounded when it came from his lips that already stirred a longing in her to hear the very same greeting every day. "Even for you," she added, remembering their last early morning encounter.

"Indeed. I've been ill, in my office for two days... I suppose I jumped at the first opportunity to get out and about." Even as he spoke he pondered quite why he had decided to divulge this random information.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you weren't in the lesson the other day." Lara had not forgotten, of course. She had been more irritated than most that their lesson was cancelled and did not join in the revelry of an extra free period.

"I'm pleased that my absence was felt so strongly!"

_If only you knew the truth..._ thought Lara, but opting for a safer option she continued, "Are you well now?"

"Much better, thanks. Just a one-day thing, I think." _If you only __knew_...

Quiet fell over them for a moment, and Lara felt uncomfortable with the intimacy of the encounter, particularly after the near-silence they had experienced for the past few weeks.

"I'm erm... looking for my cat," she muttered by way of an explanation for the manner in which her eyes flashed around their surroundings. Saying it out loud made her realise quite how preposterous she was being. If Lupin thought her ridiculous, he disguised it well.

"Is something the matter?" he asked, and the kindly expression of genuine concern he extended made it easy for Lara to be honest, despite her embarrassment.

"I... I just needed... someone," she explained quietly. "It's been a bad night and... and Sparkles is the closest I have to family in this place. I know it sounds daft but... she makes me feel better. I didn't like waking up and not having her there." She dared not look her teacher in the eye, but had she done so Lara would have been greeted with a softened expression of comprehension, and something close to empathy. "She's only a bloody cat..." Lara added, scoffing at herself.

"No she isn't," Lupin replied simply, prompting Lara to look up at him at last. He smiled sincerely. "I understand you completely," - _better than you __could__ imagine_. "I know that animals can be a great comfort in erm... in times of need."

"Thank you..."

"No need."

"Nonetheless, I'm overreacting. It was only a dream, I am being stupid whether you realise it or not!"

Lupin shrugged and smiled on. Lara's mood lightened and she achieved a short laugh.

"Helps to just see anyone at all actually, thanks," she continued. "I should probably go back to bed..."

"Perhaps so." Lupin's response was painfully indifferent. Lara should never have expected anything more, but after the exchange she found herself hoping he might have wanted to spend longer in her company. Making a conscious effort to mask any sign of these feelings, Lara babbled on a bit longer.

"Yeah... well, Sparks is probably just off touring with her new toy boy... Keep seeing her with this massive ginger cat, stalking around the grounds. Ugly sod it is, she could do better... although she is getting on a bit, maybe she couldn't..." Lupin regarded her with a quizzical but friendly look and Lara blushed, realising that her attempt at a cover-up was serving purely to reveal her as a nutcase. "Ahem. Anyway I'll be heading off... Although you know, it's funny... I saw the pair of them outside with this dog the other day. A bloody dog, would you credit it? Huge black thing it was, looked like it had been living rough... but of all the animals to mix with, the old girl picks an ugly moggy and a great shaggy dog. It'll be a wonder if she lasts the year!"

Lupin's expression was unreadable now. Any hint of a smile that had been present before had gone, and he looked more concerned than bemused now, as though great cogs were churning in his brain.

"Erm..." Lara felt very self-conscious again. "Well I'll be seeing you around... thanks for listening and sorry for the ramble and... hope you keep a clean bill of health! Have a good day." Lupin nodded and gave a brief wave, but his face remained set as the girl walked away, back toward her tower. Filled with a sense of dread he focused on Lara's words:

_A huge black shaggy dog... in the grounds of Hogwarts... _

_It couldn't be... surely... could it? _


	15. Im Just a Soul Whose Intentions are Good

**Hello everyone, a belated Happy New Year to you! Sorry it's taken quite so long to get this chapter up, been very busy over the festive period and had exams etc so have been prioritising other things. Anywho, hope you enjoy it. As usual all reviews and comments are welcomed. Thanks for continuing to read, I'm so glad people like what goes on inside my strange mind!**

* * *

Understandably, All Hallows' Eve was a big thing at the school, a night to celebrate the wonders and mystery of the magic that the staff and students were capable of. To most of the castle's muggle-born residents, the extent of the festivities of October 31st never failed to amaze. Likewise, many of the pupils from wizarding families had never previously seen celebrations of the kind that Hogwarts produced! As one of the former, Lara was massively impressed in her first few years by the level of excitement that Halloween generated, and the feast and house parties were often the best of the year. However the hype of the night was increasingly baffling her. Growing up as a muggle it was a purely commercialised holiday; an excuse to dress up in silly costumes and eat a lot of sweets. She never much enjoyed it then, but caught up in the anticipation at Hogwarts it had become a full-on holiday – to the extent that her friends at home found it a little bit morbid. She was starting to see their point. This year the thing Lara and her friends most looked forward to was a whole-school festive day out in Hogsmeade... and of course returning to a sumptuous feast.

There was probably nobody in the castle who looked forward to Halloween less than Remus Lupin. As a very small boy he had never marked the date in any way, and after receiving the bite that turned him into a monster, the night haunted him annually. Living in a muggle suburb and seeing all the children processing the streets and knocking on doors, many dressed as werewolves themselves, pained him deeply. He could never have gleefully spent a night, once a year, pretending with his friends to be monsters; not when he had to suffer the fate of being one every month. This was one of the main reasons why Remus had already lost the beautiful innocence of youth before he had even started at Hogwarts. He became fonder of the day once at school of course, being able to enjoy the feast with the best friends he had ever made and, as he grew in years, being one of the ringleaders at the Gryffindor party after-hours. This different type of celebration made Halloween more bearable, made him forget the pain of it during childhood... but of course the joy of it was lost once more just a few years after leaving.

31st October 1981 not only altered once more his feelings on Halloween, but changed his entire life. When he was informed what had happened, something inside him died. He realised he was alone once more; parents long gone and no significant other, and now no friends. With James, Lily and Peter dead, and Sirius a treacherous murderer rightly locked up in Azkaban, he had nothing left. Halloween had now taken not only his innocence as a child but his happiness as an adult. Every year he retired from the festivities of wizards and muggles alike, had a few stiff drinks and paid his respects to three of the four of his dearest friends. He had visited Godric's Hollow every year on or near the anniversary, had silently spoken carefully chosen words and had struggled to contain less-than-silent tears. He had been as far as the street where Harry now lived too; just a few times to be sure he was alright, to watch him return from school with unloving family members. Harry would always glance over at the scruffy man regarding him from a distance for a couple of seconds before a disapproving woman bustled him inside, glaring at Remus as though she suspected his identity. For a few years until her early death he visited Mrs Pettigrew too, offered his comfort, and paid respects to Peter in the old room which he had never moved out of until his demise.

Being back at Hogwarts and seeing Harry made the memories stronger and all the more painful. He wanted more than ever that year to hide away on his own, but that seemed ridiculous when he could at last offer some form of support to the orphaned boy-who-lived. There was a trip to Hogsmeade the day that Halloween fell on that year and thankfully McGonagall, as chief organiser, fully understood that Remus was reluctant to go along. She had tried to convince him that it may have been better if he did go; better to spend time with sympathetic people than to be alone, but she had conceded defeat graciously. The truth behind it was that he could not have coped with the reminders everywhere, seeing Sirius roaring from the WANTED posters on every pillar and wall. It was far more logical - and safer - to get busy around the castle, to keep to himself and stay distracted as best as possible.

* * *

At breakfast that morning, Lara chattered excitedly with her friends, preferring to speak than to eat, while Lupin sat mournfully at the staff table, keeping an eye on Harry. He thought that the boy looked very glum, more than likely thinking about his parents and wishing the day could be different, as students around him received Halloween cards from home. Remus resolved then and there, as he forced himself to eat some bacon and eggs, that he would be sure to speak to Harry later, perhaps at the feast, particularly if he looked at all depressed. Of course the lad had no idea of Lupin's acquaintance with his parents, so it might be dangerous ground on which to tread, but on a day such as this, Remus felt virtually obliged to check up on him. It was, after all, the first real opportunity he had to do so in the past twelve years. Secure in this decision, he made a swift exit when the majority of the students left the hall and began the walk into Hogsmeade village. However, his absence was felt more than he could have anticipated, at least by one.

"Lover boy's not around today then," Jo softly whispered to the boys flanking her, nodding in the direction of Lara, who was looking expectantly around at the assembled teachers.

"Not a word, Josephine!" Simon warned sharply from behind. "Remember what we discussed!"

"Full-naming you – he means business!" Jack winked at Jo and leapt forward to grab Lara's arm. "Right sunshine, you're coming with me to Honeydukes, we've got to stock up on treats for after the feast!"

"And to what do I owe the dubious pleasure of your company?" Lara smirked up at the lightly freckled face of the boy beaming at her, his dark eyes twinkling.

"It's just your lucky day," he chirruped with a flick of his eyebrows. He noticed his best friend drawing up alongside them, arm in arm, as ever, with his girlfriend. "Sam drew the short straw; she's stuck with Fabio... _again_!" The couple smacked him in unison and in response Jack clasped Lara's hand instead and pulled her into a jog alongside him, making a hasty retreat.

Lara couldn't help laughing as they slowed to a walk by a bunch of Slytherin girls who looked on their merriment with great distaste. More than ever she felt positive about Halloween, spending time with her friends and celebrating, and more crucially, having fun. She even smiled at the girls who still fixed the pair of them with venomous stares.

"You'll have to get used to that one, love," Jack laughed. "You'll be the envy of many more by the end of the day, with me as your escort!"

"Oh, do get over yourself!" Lara chuckled, dropping his hand as though it were a hot cauldron handle. Undeterred, Jack put an arm instead round her shoulders and shifted his weight so she was practically supporting him.

"Nu-uh, we're gonna make this the best Halloween ever," he persisted. "And if that means harassing you all day to keep your spirits up, then so be it!" Rolling her eyes, Lara resisted no further, instead smiling into the slowly rising sun ahead. She knew then that Jack might well be right, and that whatever she thought of the man left behind in the castle, it didn't matter. She was going to have a good day regardless, would enjoy the trip and the feast, and was even going to tolerate Jack. After all, he was cute - even if a pain in the neck - and there were far worse boys to be dragged around Hogsmeade by!

* * *

It transpired that Remus did not have to wait until the feast that evening to have his quiet word with Harry. Whilst pottering around his office, shortly after breakfast, he heard the shuffling of footfalls outside in the corridor and presently a figure strolled past the doorway. The young Mr Potter had his hands in the pockets of his robes, looking down at the ground distractedly. Lupin leapt to his feet and over to the door, poked his head out and called out to him.

"Harry?"

Harry turned back to him, looking mildly shocked and seemed to force a smile.

"What are you doing? Where are Ron and Hermione?"

"Hogsmeade." Harry's response was clipped and he avoided eye contact with his teacher, attempting nonchalance.

"Ah," Lupin said simply, not fooled. So the students had left already, and Harry was obviously unable to go. That was probably for the best considering the potential of Sirius appearing at any given moment. He invited Harry in and showed him the Grindylow he had ready for the next third-year lessons. There was an air of awkwardness that they both seemed to feel and, after carefully looking Harry over, Remus suggested tea. There were some silent moments while the pair supped their drinks. Remus observed the boy warily across the table; he certainly seemed out of sorts.

"Anything worrying you, Harry?" If he didn't ask now, he never would. It might hurt to talk about it, but if the anniversary was getting to Harry, it was only right to discuss it.

Surprisingly, it seemed as though the relevance of the date had escaped Harry, or at the very least he didn't want to talk about it. He was more concerned by the idea that Lupin thought he was weak, unable to fight a Boggart. Remus couldn't decide if he was more relieved or annoyed by this. On the one hand it was obviously a good thing that Harry wasn't moping about the past, but at the same time the thought nagged at him that maybe Harry had forgotten the significance of the day. The rest of the conversation followed a similar pattern of awkward silences, furtive glances from both parties – particularly when Severus delivered a goblet of Wolfsbane potion - and responses that only told half the truth.

After Harry had left, at Remus's none too subtle request, the mourner continued to wander about the office, trying to plan lessons and mark essays, to tidy up papers and trinkets and to keep his mind far from the subject of Harry's parents and Godfather. Most of his efforts were futile of course, and before long he retired to a chair by the window, looking out across the grounds in contemplative mood until the time came to leave for the feast. On reflection he found he was a little disappointed not to have spoken about the day with Harry, particularly as Snape had now several times made snide comments and given sneering looks that made it clear that he, at least, had remembered. Later, Remus vowed to make a conscious effort to keep cheerful and chatty at the feast; if not for his own good, certainly for the purpose of showing Severus that he had matured from their childhood feuds, even if his Slytherin acquaintance had not.

* * *

Lara and her friends arrived home from Hogsmeade in high spirits, after a day of much indulgence and shopping. In the remaining hours before the feast they made plans for a Ravenclaw party after hours, in a joint effort with the seventh-years, and as they sat down to dinner, the group were positively buzzing. Unable to resist, Lara threw repeated glances over to the staff table and was relieved to see that Lupin too appeared in a lighter mood than he had been that morning, and seemed to be in good health also. Nice as it was to see, it made his absence from Hogsmeade all the more mystifying.

"Look at Snape today," Bec whispered through a mouthful of pumpkin pie, seated next to her. Following the request, Lara did indeed glance across to where the Potions Master was sat. He looked far from pleased that Lupin was having a pleasant chat to Flitwick and Sprout at the other end of the table. His narrowed eyes glared down the table repeatedly with contempt, as though he believed Lupin should be miserable. "Wonder what Lupin's done to upset him this time... No matter, he's certainly got the smouldering thing going on so no complaints from me!" Bec had said the last sentence rather louder than the first and several pairs of shocked eyes locked onto her. Simon threw a piece of carrot at her in disgust, and there began a spirited argument on the merits and otherwise of Professor Snape. Even when it extended onto the other teachers, Lara did not join in too vociferously. She was determined that her friends would not approach the subject of Lupin this evening; they were to have an enjoyable night of youthful revelry, and any mocking on the subject would just dampen her mood. Nonetheless she did cast several further looks towards Snape and Lupin for the rest of the feast, and more than once did she see disapproving eyes flicker from Potions to Defence Against the Dark Arts.

After a highly entertaining evening in the Great Hall, staff and students alike headed back to their respective offices and common rooms, most bearing the intentions to continue celebrations long into the night. Little did anyone know, the peace of another happy Halloween was to be pulled from under their feet with astonishing effect. Remus was one of the last to leave the Hall, and as such he had not even got as far as the staffroom when Snape billowed past him, in a frantic rush.

"Severus? What is it?"

Snape turned and gave him yet another contemptuous look before reluctantly divulging his information. "There's been a... _disturbance_. Gryffindor Tower."

Lupin was not invited to follow Snape, but he did so regardless, both men jogging along the corridors and creating quite an amusing picture for McGonagall who shortly joined them. All three came to a sudden stop just behind Dumbledore, who was staring at an empty portrait, slashed to pieces, which previously seated the Fat Lady, Guardian of the common room. A look of shock and confusion was uniform across the student body and the staff members. Anxious thoughts whirred through Remus's head in hasty succession; he had never seen anything like this but already the ghost of Halloween past was laughing at him.

However it was another ghost who laughed the worst message. Peeves, imprudent as ever, addressed Dumbledore square-on with a massive grin.

"Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."

McGonagall grasped Lupin's arm in fright, and it was a blessing that she did, for at that moment Remus felt he might have fallen over.

* * *

**Another little note, you may have noticed I made quite a big deal out of the fact that Sirius's break-in happened on the anniversary of the Potters' deaths. It's always puzzled me how JK never really mentioned it, and I sorta wonder if it was coincidence or planned. Anyway I thought it was strange how there's no sign of Harry or Remus [or anyone! in any of the books acknowledging the significance of the date - correct me if I'm wrong but I don't recall anything. Surely they would have remembered such a big event?? Anyway, I've created it so that Lupin at least remembers his friends... and I'm annoyed as he is that Harry never does! hmmm...**


	16. When the Horizon Darkens Most

**Hello all! Like to issue the usual thanks to you for reading this, and especially for all the kind words I've received in the reviews. Really appreciate people taking the time to leave a comment, makes this whole writing endeavour seem more worthwhile so... thanks!**

**This chapter got away from me a little bit... hope it doesn't show too much. I got a bit carried away and off-track in areas but it was all written in 2 different sittings and I've scarcely checked through it, so if there are glaring errors or things that don't quite make sense then that'll be why! Feel free to point out if such things crop up... Hope you enjoy this installment anyway!**

* * *

Lara discussed party plans with Jo and the boys as they trekked back to the Ravenclaw Tower, the whole house wandering along in small clutches. They had barely settled into their common room when Professor Flitwick ran in, looking pale and very breathless. It was immediately apparent from his demeanour that something was amiss and all eyes fixed apprehensively on the small man.

"Professor, is there a problem?" One of the seventh year prefects, Jeremy Hills, was first to speak out of the short silence which seemed to last several minutes.

Flitwick considered this for a moment. He was unsure what to say. How best to break the news to seventy teenagers that a convicted murderer was potentially loose in the castle?

"There's been a bit of an emergency," he began, speaking steadily and with authority. "A break-in to the school. We have... we have reason to believe Sirius Black has found a way in." As expected, ninety per cent of the students gasped, a couple of younger girls even screamed and somebody audibly swore. Lara and Jo, who was closest to her, exchanged uneasy looks whilst Fabio instinctively grabbed Sam's hand and Jack grasped the shoulders of the pair of them. Flitwick sighed before he continued.

"Obviously we need to search the castle and the grounds," he said gravely. "So I'm sorry to say tonight's party will have to be cancelled. Don't look so shocked, Jack; of course I know you have a party after the Halloween feast! Anyway, I'll be taking you _all _to the Great Hall now, to gather with the other students. You'll all be safe there; don't worry, while the other teachers and I conduct the search. Miss Clearwater, perhaps you would walk with me?" Penelope nodded quickly and glided forward to stand alongside him. Flitwick then turned to the sixth and seventh year prefects. "Mr Hills, Miss Patel, Mr Jenkins and Miss Cohen; could you organise everyone and bring up the rear? A register will be taken by the Head Boy and our own Penelope when you get to the hall, so no sneaking off. _A__ny__ of you_."

The four eldest prefects got to action as instructed and gradually a stream of students made their way out of the Common Room and headed off towards the tower behind their Head of House. Many were bunched together tighter than usual, couples holding hands and friends linking arms. As her self-proclaimed escort for the day, Jack saw it fit to put his arm round Lara's shoulders and they walked silently in step behind Jo, Sam and Fabio, a little way in front of the prefects. Simon and Bec were whispering with Jeremy and Sarita and all four had their wands out in precautionary readiness. They reached the hall without event, passed only by Peeves laughing manically and Filch shining a torch behind random suits of armour and statues. Some of the teachers were clearly already out on the search, for only Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick and Sprout remained in the room, organising their houses. Once there they were hastily instructed to get a good night's sleep, reassured once more of their safety, and provided with what looked to be very comfortable sleeping bags. As soon as the small group of teachers left the room a chorus of voices went up, some excited and some very fearful.

Before long, every student in the Hall knew exactly what had happened up at the Gryffindor portrait hole. Gradually everybody settled down in small groups in the cosy, purple sleeping bags, aside from the prefects and Percy and Penelope who stalked up and down the room, warning that lights-out would be soon. Not for the first time, Lara felt quite dejected not to be a prefect, watching Bec and Simon take up a station by massive doors. Si gave her a smile, though she suspected his glasses obscured eyes of a more serious disposition. Bec gave a thumbs-up, followed by a gesture to sleep. Lara scowled as she sunk to the floor miserably and clambered into a sleeping bag. She lay down next to a chatty Jo, who thankfully had Sam as an audience on her other side. Fabio and Jack settled themselves either side of the three girls protectively.

"Still with you, don't fret," Jack said as he snuggled into his sleeping bag by her side. "Cosy isn't it?" He prodded her with a foot and grinned broadly. Despite the situation, and the incredible discomfort of being scared at school for the first time, Lara laughed at his high spirits.

"You're a right chancer Jack, you know that?" she smirked, peering at him in the candlelight.

"Just doing my alpha male duty and looking after the females of the pack," Jack joked again. "Of course, that's not to say tongues won't be a-wagging at the staff table in the morning when we're found cuddled up!"

"Bit close there Mr McDonald!" The disapproving voice of Head Boy Percy prevented Jack teasing any further or Lara rebuking him.

"Don't worry Perce, he's got no chance," Penelope said, as she appeared at his side. "I know Lara better than to suspect any funny business here!" Seemingly satisfied with his girlfriend's opinion, Percy contented himself with a loud tut to ensure his position was made clear, before moving off to quieten some raucous Slytherins.

Jack winked at Lara once more, and though she was impressed by his ability to stay chirpy in such a situation, and quite touched that he felt protective of her, she shook her head at him in a disbelieving manner. He smiled genuinely and she was forced to return the gesture, with a surge of affection. It was to be the last thing Jack would be seeing from her that night, for Percy then announced lights out and presently the candles were all extinguished.

"G'night Jack, Jo, Sam, Fab..." she reeled off the names and received similar responses, combined with shuffling noises of numerous witches and wizards seeking a comfortable position. Turning to face the starlit ceiling, Lara's eyes gradually adjusted to the limited lighting. Turning her head slightly she could just make out the shapes of Simon and Bec, in authoritative, alert pose. She sensed sleep would be hard to come by at this early hour, sighed deeply and found relative contentment looking instead at the twinkling above.

* * *

Remus was sent to search down in the dungeons, the Slytherin common room included. He knew that the last thing Sirius would want to do, even now, was to associate himself with Slytherin house. It was Dumbledore's thinking however that this meant it would make a perfect hiding place. There was some logic in this, even though no staff members truly believed Sirius would still be in the castle. Snape had, of course, requested to search his own domain, but understandably the Headmaster would not accept this course of action – perhaps fearing what would happen if the two old enemies were to meet in a secluded area of the castle. So it was that Lupin headed shakily towards the dungeon classrooms, his heart pounding and his head spinning. He muttered to himself as he journeyed, debating his own responsibility and naivety.

Was there any way Sirius could have regained control of the Marauders' Map? None of the four had seen it since they had left school as far as he knew, but it was possible Sirius had hidden it away somewhere.

Was there a harsh calculation made by his former friend to strike on that very night? Had he thought it to be a fitting date to try and finish the job Voldemort had failed in? Could he even remember the date in his current tormented state?!

...Would it have made any difference if Albus knew about the alter ego of Sirius Black? Would tonight have been prevented if Lupin had not been too weak to previously mention his friends' successful quest to become Animagi?

"And what do I do now?" he asked the door to the Potions classroom before swinging it open and illuminating his wand. "How can I justify not telling him now? If he got in here as Padfoot... Merlin's beard, what have I done?"

He dashed about the classroom, shining light into all the darkened corners but to no avail. It was insane to suspect Sirius to linger. The search was merely a formality and he had half a mind to not go any further.

"Sirius Black, you're a bloody swine."

Leaving the room, Remus ran a weary hand down his face, cupping his chin. He checked the other rooms with more haste, finally walking around the Slytherin common room in disgust. The decor of the place was abhorrent, the dark trinkets in some of the dorm rooms even worse and his earlier belief that Sirius would not come here was reaffirmed strongly.

"Maybe you like this kind of thing nowadays mate," he announced, with hyperbolic cheer, to the room when he was satisfied there were no mass-murdering traitors concealed there. Then in a mere whisper he added, "I just don't know you anymore..."

The word shortly went up, amplified throughout the castle, that the coast was clear and that all staff were to return to their offices, to await the call for periodic patrols of the Great Hall. Remus did not much fancy the idea of being on his own so soon after Sirius's invasion and determined that he would head over to the Hall now, and offer his services for patrol. He was nearly at the doorway when a figure passed silently through, closing a heavy door with a quiet clunk.

"Severus," Lupin said curtly, not wanting to look him in the eye.

"Lupin," Snape stared at him, a horrid snarl plastering his features. "No sign of your old chum then? Or... perhaps, you've been helping him make an escape?"

"I'm sure you'd love that to be the case, Snape," Lupin responded coolly, now fixing his opponent with a steely glare.

"What I would love isn't at issue here Lupin. It is simply an issue that I am at a loss as to think of any other way Mr Black would have found of getting inside the school. Inside help, it appears, is the only rational explanation."

"How dare you suggest I would put any of the staff or students of this school at risk?" Lupin's voice had now adopted a tone of loathing and disbelief, and he advanced on Snape who instinctively drew his wand. "The very _thought_ that I would... that I'm even in _contact_ with him... beggars belief... you foul..."

Snape's snarl reformed into a smirk as Remus stuttered through his disgust. He knew he was winning now and one snide comment would be sufficient to send Lupin into a flying rage. He straightened up as Lupin continued to mutter angrily, wringing his hands in discomfort.

Adopting a sickly-sweet tone – or as close to one as years of hatred and coldness allowed – Snape probed. "Methinks he doth protest too much! What would Potter say if he knew you were disowning your old friend so readily?!"

The mention of James's name did indeed serve as the straw that broke the camel's back. Remus drew his wand and pointed it at Snape's neck which served more to increase the Slytherin's glee than to scare him.

"What are you going to do, _Remus_?" he teased further, over-emphasising his use of the forename. "Are you really brave enough to face me without your stupid friends by your side?"

"You... you dare even _talk_ about my friends!" Lupin's eyes flashed with a wolfish rage as his other hand grasped Snape's wrist. Snape pulled back and the two men stood at arm's length, joined on one side by the clasped wrist, but pointing wands at one another menacingly nonetheless. They were locked eye-to-eye, goading each other into making the first move or uttering the first curse, but were interrupted by the doors opening once more.

Both men froze at the sight of Professor McGonagall, who stiffened at the sight of them and closed the door hastily. They jumped apart as she stared at them in disbelief, dropping their wands to their sides and looking instantly guilty.

"Remus! Severus!" McGonagall hissed. "What the _hell_ are you playing at? You're not fifteen anymore, you great oafs!! Though believe me, I wish you were as your detentions would now be filling the year at a vast rate!" Snape and Lupin both looked to the floor and instinctively put their hands behind their backs, as though they were schoolchildren being rebuked. "Such behaviour! And on a night like this, I hope the pair of you are ashamed!"

Remus nodded slowly and Severus looked up at the older woman, trying to limit the level of contempt in his gaze.

"Would it be impertinent to say he started it?" Snape muttered with amazing calm. McGonagall narrowed her eyes at him and turned to Remus.

"I certainly thought you would know better," she said. "You should both be bloody glad that the children are all asleep."

"Indeed, I'm sorry Minerva," Lupin said repentantly, although he did not regret his movements one inch.

"If I ever see such behaviour again... I don't know what I'll be forced to do! I will be talking to Albus about the pair of you. If you can't put your differences behind you after all these years we'll be having serious problems! Remus - your shift in the Hall. Severus, I suggest you get back to wherever it is you see fit to be." With that, she turned and marched off, with a refrain of "worse than the students! Would you credit it?"

Snape turned on his heel to also exit the scene but did not walk away until he had shrewdly taken one last swipe at his Gryffindor counterpart.

"Even now Lupin, you depend on braver souls than yourself to save your hide. You really should be ashamed."

Remus bristled at this, but after the reprimand did not rise to the bait. Returning his wand to his pocket and turning towards the hall he called chirpily over his shoulder, "good night Severus!" Snape scowled at this resentfully, but continued his route off towards the dungeons.

* * *

Walking around the Great Hall, Remus could not shift the issues arising from the night's events out of his consciousness. Sirius breaking and entering, his own potential culpability at it happening, what to do next and the exchange with Snape kept his mind ticking over, almost audibly. He was practically pacing up and down the room, between the rows and clutches of sleeping students. Some of the couples he walked past were making the most of the opportunity to snuggle up close to one another. The younger ones were fast asleep with grins plastered on their faces, revelling in the closeness. Some students – although within their individual sleeping bags - with arms across one another, knees touching or hands tightly clamped together. Remus was overcome with an urge to wake them all up and impose an appropriate distance, but realised with some sadness that it was born out of envy rather than a desire to uphold school discipline. Resenting the happiness of his own students was a bit dire, even in his current frame of mind. He quickly paced away from the nearest group, where Fabio and Sam lay face-to-face with foreheads touching and Jack curled protectively round the back of Lara's scrunched-up form. He shook his head at his bitterness and stomped back towards the door where he might watch in solitude. Stopping suddenly mid-stride, he chanced a glance towards the ceiling. The waning moon was imitated in amongst the sparkling stars and he sighed in relief at a further three weeks of calm and normality... physically at least.

Not all students were sleeping of course. Several had heard the raised voices coming from the confrontation in the hallway, Lara – ignorant and uncaring about the proximity of Jack behind her - amongst them. Fortunately none of the words could be made out through the heavy doors, but Lara had managed to recognise the voices as belonging to Snape and Lupin. Henceforth she had stayed awake to see if the latter was to enter the room. She was relieved to see him initially, or perhaps more relieved after the glares she had spotted during dinner that Snape had not blown his head off. Watching him process the room however the relief turned to an inexplicable feeling of concern. His cheeriness of dinnertime seemed a thing of the past; something in his demeanour suggested he was greatly troubled. Whether it was a result of the night's happenings or the fight with Snape was impossible to tell. Nonetheless, Lara continued to watch him throughout his stint on guard, only closing her eyes when he came particularly close, and not once losing the saddened expression of worry that had overtaken her face.

Little did she know Jo too had remained awake, and was sneaking intermittent glances at her friend. Lara had not noticed her and, thanks in no small part to this, Jo had noticed - and kept on noticing with ever-increasing concern – that she had eyes only for Lupin. As soon as he left the room, swapping with Hagrid, Lara sighed in disappointment, closed her eyes and rolled over to face away from the door – and thus away from Jo. With equal disappointment Jo frowned and shook her head, before she too attempted a return to sleep, and dreams where her friend was not slipping blindly into an abyss.


	17. Starlight, I Will Be Chasing a Starlight

**Usual notes apply about readers and reviewers! Getting lazy in my old age... Thank you to you all. Hope you like this **

* * *

The endlessly fascinating, infinite night sky was peppered with countless stars, twinkling and mesmerizing. So far into the countryside, and on such a clear night, every known star and also a large selection of planets were visible from this vantage point, high in the Astronomy Tower. As such, it was often a popular spot among the students, but in the early hours of a Tuesday morning in early November it was deserted but for one serene, introspective character.

Lara had enjoyed a peaceful hour, breathing in the clear night air and identifying and admiring the numerous specks that adorned the dark blanket above her. The school had been silent for hours and from this, the highest point, nothing could be heard but the occasional hooting owl or fluttering bat. Staring towards the mystifying heavens and embracing the tranquillity, Lara had slipped almost into a trance. The way that different stars came in and out of focus amazed her; it pleased her that she could pretty well judge the relative distances of them, as some appeared further away, further back in the darkness. Drifting off, Lara imagined herself travelling through the skies. Floating past the Plough and passing around Orion, she could virtually see the constellations forming before her.

"Like a diamond in the sky..."

A voice sounded behind Lara, a soft singsong with a distinct growly quality. She spun towards the source, stirred instantaneously from her fantasy, and fell from her perch by the barred window. Fortunately she landed on a conveniently positioned viewing settee, which absorbed some of the shock, but nonetheless her heart still pounded.

"Damn, I'm so sorry," Remus Lupin said quickly, as she jumped to her feet. "Are you alright? I thought you must have heard my approach. My apologies." Lara suddenly became very aware of the fact that she was wearing scruffy, loose-fitting, tartan pyjamas. Crossing her arms over her chest self-consciously, and sucking in her stomach the best she could, she responded shakily.

"No, it's my fault," she spluttered. "Miles away... Light-years even." She cringed at the bad joke, but Lupin smiled appreciatively. He passed her the cloak she had discarded on her arrival. It reached Lara's hands just in time to coincide with a shiver, and she gratefully threw it over her shoulders.

"Not the best temperature for stargazing is it?" he said with a subtle smile. "Good night for it though, I haven't seen it so clear for some time." Lara looked at him with startled bemusement for a minute before coming back to earth once more.

"Yeah, yeah... definitely," she said, returning her gaze through the window. "Prefer to sit outside if I'm honest, but since the Sirius Black incident..." Looking back to Lupin she noticed a slight frown cross his features. The 'incident' had been the talk of the castle for the past few days, but Lara had barely seen Lupin since Halloween night in the Hall. She turned again and walked back over to the window. "I much prefer this Sirius anyway," she smirked, staring again at the stars. Lupin's voice was much closer and tinged with some darkness when he responded. He too had approached the window, and stood slightly behind her.

"Ah the dog star," he smiled, forgetting himself for a moment as he continued. "Sirius never did live down being named after a dog!" He was staring into the middle-distance now, the star almost forgotten but the wistful smile remaining. Lara looked at him somewhat dubiously. She was going to have to broach this subject very carefully.

"Sir? Did you er..." she began, tentatively.

"Yes I knew him," he sighed. He shook his head and shifted around to slump onto the sofa. "Well, I knew a man named Sirius Black once. I er... I sometimes wonder if that notorious murderer really is the same boy I once traversed these grounds with... Chocolate?" He reached into an inside pocket for a bar of milk chocolate, snapped off a large chunk and proffered the bar to Lara before he ate his piece. Gathering the cloak closer to her, Lara tiptoed round to sit beside him and took a couple of blocks from the large bar.

"Thanks," she said simply, wishing there was more to add. "I... erm..."

"Always makes you feel better, I find," he added absent-mindedly upon swallowing his mouthful. He turned to face the increasingly worried Lara and smiled reassuringly. "It's alright. You don't have to say anything. What is there to say after all?" He sighed again and leant back against the cushions. Lara shifted her weight somewhat uncomfortably and chewed the chocolate slowly. Although calm on the exterior, her heart was beating a tad faster than usual. Lupin was blatantly oblivious that he was provoking such a reaction. He set his head back and closed his eyes, index finger and thumb of his right hand either side of his forehead, resting on his temples. His neck was exposed in this position; resultantly every movement through breathing and swallowing was impossible to miss. This was a man clearly clueless about how attractive he was to her in that moment, incredibly casual and relaxed next to the fidgety and breathless sixteen year old.

"He... Sirius I mean... he came to Hogwarts I guess – with you?" Lara spoke through necessity rather than desire. Every second of the silence was smothering her, weighing her down. Lupin nodded without opening his eyes.

"Same year, same house... Same group of friends..." he reeled off, running a hand through his already dishevelled hair. He sat up halfway and fixed his misty eyes on hers. For a second it felt to Lara as though she had stopped breathing, as she took in the intense splendour they held. He broke the spell presently. "We were both different people then." He turned away, blinking rapidly and frowning. "Very different."

Lara remained reverently silent for a minute, responding only with an unnecessary nod, invisible to her professor. These revelations from Lupin sparked off a buzz of questions in her mind, but she took in his sorrow and reluctance, and used them as a preventative. One thing surfaced though that she had meant to ask for some time, and now the opportunity seemed too perfect to miss.

"Same house?" she said carefully, and Lupin's attention snapped back to her, one eyebrow raised and an unfathomable look in his now steely eyes. "Surely you weren't a Slytherin? I heard all Blacks-"

"All but Sirius, yes," Lupin interjected quickly. "No, we were both surprised about where we were placed. I was almost sure of being Ravenclaw. But no, we wound up as soon-to-be notorious Gryffindors." He chuckled softly to himself at the memory, but Lara noted growing sadness in his eyes, once again shimmering in the moonlight.

"I had you down as Ravenclaw too," she said, almost inaudibly and certainly pointlessly. Lupin nodded, almost as imperceptibly, and closed his eyes once more, fighting any possibility of tears leaking.

Further silence followed, wherein Lara had an overwhelming desire to comfort her inert professor, seated mere inches away. She didn't know where it was coming from, but the urge to touch him; to hold his hand or smooth his ruffled, greying hair, to embrace him... It was too much and far too inappropriate. Instead she gulped back gushing words of support and cleared her throat.

"I think I had better be off to bed," she muttered, as though just thinking aloud. The man's eyebrows rose before his eyelids and he gradually nodded. Sitting up and forcing a smile, he offered to escort her back to the Ravenclaw tower.

"Oh no Professor, it's fine. You shouldn't go out of your way," Lara protested but he merely shook his head and stood up alongside her.

"I insist," he said authoritatively. "After all, Black could once again get inside the castle." All sense of nostalgia or affection had now gone from his voice. Lara puzzled over this as she accepted defeat with a slow nod.

Lupin had switched with ease back into the role of teacher, hastily snuffing out all sentiment. For his part he was already regretting that he had revealed so much to a student. Still, however irresponsible it was, it had undeniably been good to talk. Even the reclusive, intellectual werewolf sometimes needed to open up. He may not have selected the best forum in which to do so, but Lara had appeared willing and it was for the most part just harmless drivel.

* * *

The walk to the tower was spent in near silence; occasional sighs and shuffling feet the only sounds that penetrated the stillness of the sleeping castle. Although Lara did open her mouth to speak several times she thought better of it and turned each attempt into a yawn. Although they didn't speak, Lara felt inexplicably good just to be walking in step with Lupin's long strides. Having a respectable, grown-up and imposing, tall and peculiarly handsome man by her side incited in her a sense of security and – more bizarrely – one of pride. She had never felt unsafe walking the halls of the castle before, but in Lupin's company she was more secure - and more comfortable - than ever.

When the pair reached the entrance to the Ravenclaw Common Room, Lupin stopped very suddenly. Lara turned to face him, the picture of gentlemanly perfection, and he bowed his head very slightly. Even more so than in the Astronomy Tower did she want to embrace him now; to thank him and kiss him goodnight on both cheeks. Of course she could do no such thing, much as it pained her, and instead she smiled broadly and stepped away from him backwards.

"Thank you Sir," she murmured. "For er... walking me home!" She couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it, looking down at the floor, and he too smiled, sharing in the awkwardness.

"A pleasure, Miss Graham," he responded gently. "I'm only sorry that Sirius Black did not ambush us!" Although clearly a joke, Lara couldn't help but wonder if there was any truth behind that quip. It was evidently a subject that preoccupied Lupin a lot of the time, and she was markedly intrigued to think how he may have reacted given an "ambush".

"Well... Goodnight Professor Lupin," Lara managed to utter uneasily. "I'll er... see you for class in a matter of hours... I suppose." She still longed to embrace him in some way and contemplated for a moment if it would be too much just to give his hand a quick squeeze. His response soon put an end to any such ideas. He took an extravagant backward step, smiled genuinely and nodded his head once more.

"Goodnight Lara," he stated simply. "Sleep well." And with that, he turned on his heel and was gone instantly back into the darkness.

Lara did not make it to bed that night. She sat in a chair upon her return to the abandoned Common Room, watching the glowing embers in the place of a once raging fire. Thinking over the night's surreal events, she felt mainly confusion, but one issue played heaviest on her mind. Why was Lupin up in the Tower in the first place? Why did she not ask when she had the chance?

It was the strangest coincidence.

Was it just that the two of them were actually alike, in a bizarre twist of fate? Did he perhaps want to pay a visit to a Sirius that was ever-constant, and faithful? Was it any of her business to want to know?!

Lara fell asleep in the chair before much longer, the unanswerable questions still preoccupying her tired mind. The position, however, of most significant had now been overtaken by a recurring, nagging theme.

She was desperate to know; just what was it she was feeling for Professor R. J. Lupin? And how had it happened? Why?


	18. I Will Stand By You Forever

**Hello! Blimey, it's been a long time hey? I hope you're still with me... I guess if you're reading this then you are! I'M SORRY about the sabbatical I took from this story. Real life got in the way of anything as enjoyable as writing, and then when it eased up again I had difficulty getting back into this. You'll probably be able to see that in this chapter, it's a bit random and possibly a bit poor. Please let me know if that's the case, or more importantly, let me know if it isn't!! Anyway, I've finished university now so hopefully will have more time to write, and rest assured I don't intend to give up on this project anytime soon. Who knows, it might even get completed one day! Same comments as ever about reading and reviewing and THANK YOU as ever for staying with me, and for all the kind words and encouragement. Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

Lara woke up in the armchair by the fire at about 6am and for a moment was incredibly confused by her location. She remembered with a smile the night before: the thought coinciding with a puzzling contraction of the stomach. The warmth of the common room was long gone, so she groggily got to her feet and ascended the stairs for a couple of hours in bed. It felt as though her head had only been down two minutes before Jo jumped on her feet and sang "Morning has Broken" at the top of her voice.

"Bloody hell woman! What's wrong with you?" Ariel complained from across the room. "Some of us have most of the morning off!"

Jo looked unabashed and Bec laughed silently over to Lara's right.

"I concur Jo, you're actually insane," Lara grumbled without opening her eyes. "Your dulcet tones are enough to make a girl never want to wake up again!"

Jo did look a bit more ashamed this time, but Sam beckoned her to the doorway whilst Bec waded into the battle.

"Somebody's getting worse at mornings as they get older! We're going for breakfast in 10, thought we'd let you know."

"Yeah, fab, have fun then!" Lara spoke normally now, but merely cracked an eyelid, showing no sign of movement.

"Charming!" Bec pouted. "Last time I request your company!" She looked genuinely offended so Lara softened a bit.

"Sorry... I just had a very late night. Need more sleep." She looked at Bec square on through blurry eyes and tried to smile.

"Oh yeah, I heard you crawl in at 6 this morn," Sam said as it eventually clicked into place. "Where were you?"

"Ah, just a secret rendezvous, the usual..." Lara grinned as she rolled over and closed her eyes once more. The other three exchanged suspicious looks. Ariel had already fallen back into a blissful sleep. "Bugger off anyway, all of ya! I'll see you in class."

Her friends reluctantly left to meet the boys, Bec calling back from the threshold, "it's lover-boy Lupin at half 11, don't forget!"

Lara threw a cushion at her without a word, and soon slipped back into a comfortable snooze.

* * *

It was quarter past eleven when Lara stirred again. One glance at the clock told her all she needed to know and she sat bolt upright, swearing loudly. The room was empty: apparently Ariel hadn't considered waking her for the lesson she knew they both had. She glared in the direction of the vacated bed for a moment before scolding herself.

"C'mon, you idiot! No time for bitterness!"

She jumped out of bed with a new-found energy and dashed into the bathroom for a quick wash and teeth-cleaning. After dragging some clothes on and fastening her robes hastily, she threw the relevant books into a bag already containing quills and parchment and set off down the staircase and off to class. Once there were no more stairs to tackle she broke into a jog, hearing a clock chime for half-eleven as she ran.

Unashamedly out of breath, she burst through the door to the DADA classroom, only three or four minutes late, and reddened as everyone in the silent room turned to face her. Several of her friends laughed at the state she was in. The left side of Lupin's mouth seemed to quirk upward as his eyes fell upon her, and catching his gaze she apologised, brow furrowed sincerely.

"Take a seat, Lara," Lupin instructed, attempting an authoritative teacher persona. "Thanks for honouring us with your presence." Lara opened her mouth to explain herself, but he'd already moved on and was telling the class to continue where they left off.

Still breathing heavily, Lara sunk into a spare chair between Jack and Sam on the long table at the front of the room. She shot a quick look of daggers over at Ariel, who pretended not to notice, and then pulled parchment grumpily out of her bag.

"Nice long lie-in dreaming about me again eh Graham?" Jack ribbed her with a roguish grin.

"Calling me by my surname in such situations doesn't reflect well on you, _McDonald_," she grumbled in return. "You really want someone called Graham dreaming about you?!"

"Since you mentioned it..." Jack began, but was silenced by Lupin clearing his throat purposefully, and raising his eyes in their direction. "Sorry Sir! Sooo Lara, what we're doing is thiiiiiiiiis..." He quickly showed Lara the appropriate pages for what they were studying, then put a finger to his lips and made an elaborate gesture to show he was knuckling down. Lara rolled her eyes, glanced up at Lupin whose nose was down to a book on the desk too, and reluctantly began reading the material.

After another fifteen minutes or so, the level of whispering around the room had raised so far as to irritate Lupin somewhat. He was feeling remarkably grumpy today, having suffering indomitable sleeplessness since Sirius broke in. Conscious that to shout at the pupils would be unfair, he instead sighed and stood from the desk, before wandering out the room for a breather.

"Someone's in a bad mood," Jo spoke up, as he disappeared.

"The whole staff is in a bad mood!" Fabio pointed out. "Since the thing with Black..."

This prompted a wave of realisation across the room, and chatter broke out about the events of Halloween. Everybody was talking so much that nobody noticed when Professor Lupin quietly re-entered.

"Maybe we should ask the Prof about it when he returns," Jack suggested, fairly innocently.

"NO!" Lara exclaimed, with such volume and ferocity that everyone else was stunned into silence. Lupin watched, still and silent, as Lara continued, blushing. "I just mean it's not far on him to put him in that position. Why should he have to answer to us? He-" She had stopped short of adding 'has enough to worry about,' but it may have appeared less coincidental, as she was alerted of Lupin's presence by Bec's loud cough.

Three quarters of the class returned their eyes to their textbooks, sheepishly, but Lara, Bec, Jack, Simon and Jo looked instead to Lupin, pondering his next move. For his part, he was unsure himself what that move may be. Feigning stoicism, he nodded in their direction before pointing to the desk he stood by, signalling that they should recommence their work. Lara looked away last, and he caught her eye. She was she noticed a smile, perhaps of gratitude - she hoped – and after raising her eyebrows in acknowledgement of the gesture, the status quo was restored.

Lupin returned to his desk, feeling slightly less irritable, but rather more concerned. Of course the students would have questions about Sirius. He too would have done, but with his position he certainly wasn't the one to deal with them. Resuming a contemplative posture at the front desk he observed his class. Perhaps they did deserve to know the whole truth about Sirius and his apparent intent to finish off Voldemort's work – after all, they too were all at risk as long as Harry remained in the castle. His old friend had made it quite clear he was not concerned who or how many he harmed in the course of his treacherous missions. Remus shook his head, for about the tenth time in the past hour and then smiled outwardly to the class. A few students had finished reading and writing and were glancing around awkwardly in the face of the continuing silence.

"Are we all attending the firework display tonight?" Lupin questioned. He received a suitably surprised reaction and chuckled at the startled faces. "Sorry... but I hear it's quite special these days?"

For a moment none of the class members spoke, still taken aback by the sudden change of tone – and indeed volume. It was Izzy who spoke up first from her position near the front of the room, and her affirmation to both questions sparked the other pupils to make similar noises of assent.

"Excellent, excellent... I'll be looking forward to that one later then," Remus went on, inwardly questioning his own change of mood. Did the group before him think he was crazy? Slightly schizophrenic? "I'm sorry; this lesson hasn't been the most successful. There's only fifteen minutes to go, we should call it a day."

"Are you feeling alright, Sir?" Gryffindor Will piped up sarcastically, his voice carrying from the back of the room.

"Fine, thank you William," Lupin replied placidly. "Go on, you're dismissed. I advise you move quickly before I change my mind!"

There was a chorus of thanks and farewells and a "see you tonight Professor!" or two, as the grateful students packed up their belongings and filed out of the classroom.

"See you at the fireworks," Lupin responded. "And don't get me into any trouble for letting you leave!"

* * *

"What was all that about?!" Bec whispered as she jumped on Lara outside the room.

"What?" Lara's response was irritable. She felt the lesson had been quite a waste, in so many ways.

"The random mood swings... I think the fella's a bit odd!"

"I'm sure he has his reasons."

"If he were a woman I'd say it was the wrong time of month," Jack intercepted, appearing from nowhere over Lara's shoulder. He received a double slap for his troubles, but the girls couldn't help but giggle too. You could always count on Jack to come out with some ridiculous comment to lighten the mood.

"Ach, whatever, he's a teacher - they're a whole different breed to us humans!" Simon had now joined the group and overheard the conversation. "The main thing is we now have a spare twenty minutes before lunch... let's get out of here!"

With the final statement, a decision was reached not to dwell on the subject, and the friends set off toward the Common Room once more. Naturally Lara hadn't completely laid the question to rest however. After the previous night's conversation with Lupin, today's behaviour was so much more intriguing for her. Presumably it was the situation with Sirius that was affecting him, but to storm out of the classroom one minute and to be chattering merrily about fireworks not quarter of an hour later was inexplicable. Perhaps Simon was right. Teachers are a different breed. No, _men_ are a different breed, she concluded, attempting to remove the topic from her brain. IT was currently more important to get through the day, and enjoy the fireworks later in the evening.

Oddly the firework display was suddenly more exciting a prospect to Lara than it had been half an hour ago...


	19. I Don't Have Nothing to Hold

That night, after the much-anticipated firework display, Lara sat by herself in the dorm and once again gazed out of the window. She reflected on what was, what had gone before, and what might have been. It had been a strange evening's entertainment. Jo, Jack and Bec had joshed about like the carefree teenagers they were. Fabio, Simon and Sam had tutted and chortled like the sensible adults they had seemingly become, and Lara had sat on the fence, as often was the case. Caught in her own calculated reverie, she neither cavorted around nor sniffed at the activity. She just watched the fireworks. And occasionally spared glances for the assembled hordes of students and teachers.

- - -

This year had been somewhat different to previous displays: following the Black sighting, security was obviously heightened. As such, the students had to remain within marked boundaries, in their houses, and the teachers were carefully guarding each house in groups. Nobody said they were on guard of course, but the formation was evident to anyone who gave it more than a passing thought. In usual fashion, Lara was one of those who gave it quite a lot more than a passing thought. Upon being told at dinner that the event would be more heavily chaperoned than usual, Lara's mind had shot to Professor Lupin. It irritated her that he was the first thing she thought of in circumstances like these, but nonetheless she couldn't deter her mind from taking the route. However, after the previous night's conversation she also automatically assumed that he would tend to the Gryffindors, presuming that it was with them where his loyalties and heart remained. With this reconciling thought, she had moved on from the topic and laughed with Jack about how they could get away with sneaking in Firewhiskey if the teachers were to be so in abundance.

It was a great shock to all concerned when Professor Flitwick was accompanied by Professor Lupin upon his arrival in the Ravenclaw tower to fetch the students. Dumbledore hadn't liked to say it to his staff, but he had wanted a teacher well-rehearsed against the Dark Arts with each house that night, and as Minerva McGonagall was obviously sufficiently equipped to be the chief guard for Gryffindor, Lupin had been deferred from his preference and posted instead with Ravenclaw.

"Alright, Professor L?" Unsurprisingly it was Jack who managed to notice Lupin first and alert the entire house of his arrival. He and Fabio then looked pointedly at Lara, who had switched in a second from sleepy indifference to rapt interest. Jack beamed and Fabio frowned as they watched her face light up, simultaneous to Lupin's polite greeting.

"_Alright_, Mr McDonald," he subtly mocked. "Nice to see you again, too. Professor Flitwick warned me and the rest of the staff that you'd need extra attention so I'm on hand to offer my expertise with hexes and counter-jinxes!"

Jack looked alarmed and Flitwick chuckled. "Don't panic Jack, I've said nothing of the sort," he reassured him and the other startled teens. "Professor Lupin and I will merely be keeping an eye out for any trouble, from within or without the House! We would however appreciate best behaviour, considering all the... circumstances."

"On pain on receiving my 'extra attention'," Lupin added, his eyes sparkling and a sideways grin disqualifying the threat. Lara was pleased to see that he was in high spirits again, following his strange behaviour in the lesson earlier and his definite melancholy the night before. Sam obviously thought similar as she nudged Lara out of her trance.

"At least he's cheered up," she said, buttoning up her coat in preparation for the night air. "Perhaps we'll actually do some magic next lesson!" Lara was slightly offended on Lupin's behalf, but gave a noise of agreement as she too put gloves on in readiness.

The students gradually marched out of the Common Room behind Lupin and Flitwick. Bec grabbed Lara's shoulders from behind and goaded her, whispering in her ear. "Extra attention from Professor Lupin eh kid? You planning on acting up this evening to receive a bit of that?!" Lara stopped in her tracks and spun round to glare at her, almost tripping both Sam and Bec over in the process. Sam took this opportunity to make a quick exit and reunite herself with Fabio, leaving Bec to defend herself.

"What?" Lara snarled through gritted teeth. "Are you spoiling for a fight?"

"Hey hey," Bec soothed, twisting her back around and holding onto her arm as they started walking again. "It was a joke." She lowered her voice. "I'm sorry, I'll lay off on the wind-ups, I know it's a confusing time."

"What's to be confused about?" Lara asked calmly. "What are you implying? There's nothing wrong with this _time_." Bec glanced over her shoulder and caught Simon's eye. He shook his head quickly, frowning.

"Ok," she conceded, unwillingly. "I'm sorry. Not implying anything..."

"Fantastic," Lara chirruped. "But on a more serious note, I think Jack did smuggle some of that Firewhiskey out..."

Moments later, as if he had somehow overheard the Firewhiskey comment, Professor Lupin drew level with the pair and shot them a smile. Lara grinned back a bit too enthusiastically. Even as she was doing it she scolded herself, questioning how she could protest Bec's allegations so fiercely one minute, and then grin pathetically at Lupin the next.

"Looking forward to it then Sir?" Bec interceded before Lara could gush at him.

"Of course," Lupin responded, still smiling. "The fireworks displays were always pretty special when I was a student, and with the way magic has developed in the past twenty years I'm expecting big things!"

"Well hopefully you won't be disappointed," Bec grinned. "If the past 5 years are anything to go by it'll be the highlight of the year. Especially as Halloween has been a little er... _ruined_ this year..." Lara poked her in the ribs, hard, but the damage had been done. Lupin laughed uneasily.

"Yes well... we'll be hoping there's no repeat tonight," he murmured. The concern on his face was evident and Lara felt immensely embarrassed for her friend's slight of tongue. Bec glanced at her apologetically.

"It'll be brilliant," Lara contributed. "With our caring and cautious staff all around us it'll go off without a hitch." She smirked at Lupin, who seemed to appreciate the light-heartedness and reluctantly smiled with a slight shake of the head.

"We'll do our best Lara, make no mistake," he looked at her sincerely, worried that she may be genuinely worried, and inadvertently causing her cheeks to fill with colour so rapidly that she had to look away. Bec and Simon exchanged telling looks again. Lupin sighed softly. Lara struggled for composure.

"I'd better nip to the back and check for stragglers," Lupin announced after an extended period of silence, awkward amongst the teens but rather settling for him. "Enjoy your night if we don't cross paths again."

"And you, Professor," Simon spoke up at last. "Hope it lives up to expectations!"

"We shall see!" he laughed. "Don't forget to behave yourselves, we'll be on watch!"

"Professor Lupin!" Bec acted scandalised. "Would you really expect anything less from a pair of sixth year prefects?!"

"Ha!" Lupin exhaled. "I remember a certain prefect not too far from here who was so often led astray by his friends!" He looked at Lara, a glint of mischief in his expression. "It's only too easy to be corrupted!" Lara's eyebrows shot up as Simon and Bec laughed and repeated the sentiment.

"Yeah Miss Graham!" Bec chuckled.

"Don't you go leading us astray young lady!" Simon added.

"Sorry," Lupin went on, spotting Lara's mystified expression. "I'm sure your behaviour is positively angelic!"

Lara bit back any remark that might be construed as flirtatious and smiled on.

"Never anything but," she breathed, finally. "Your beady eyes can be employed elsewhere tonight Sir!"

"Quite," Lupin said with a tone of finality, fighting the twitch that threatened to form a smile. "Have fun!" With that he turned on his heel and marched back down the corridor a little way. Lara watched him for a few strides and then sighed inwardly. She could feel Bec's eyes burning into the back of her head so turned to face her.

"What now?" she demanded.

"Nothing..." Bec claimed innocently.

"I think it's sweet," a new voice piped up as they reached the doors of the Entrance Hall. Lara turned to the source of the sound, where Fabio was stood grinning, alongside Jack and Sam.

"What's sweet?" Lara challenged. "And how long have you been eavesdropping?"

"We were just behind that group of third years," Sam responded in defence of her love.

"And we heard absolutely no flirtatious banter between you and a certain teacher," Jack added with his usual subtlety and grace.

"Of course you didn't," Bec cut in, as an attempt to diffuse any potential backlash.

"Because there was no such thing," Lara continued, a harsh edge to her voice implying a slight threat.

"I meant your intentions to run amok with your prefect pals, anyway," Fabio said, almost convincingly. "Needless to say, Jack will help you there."

"Along with his amber-coloured friend," Jack said under his breath, gesturing towards a pocket.

- - -

Once outside everybody was incredibly grateful for their warm coats, gloves and scarves as it was a classic British autumn evening. The ground was damp underfoot so unfortunately there was squelching through a leafy pulp rather than the satisfactory crunches and crackles of an ideal autumn stroll. There was a brisk chill in the air but it brought with it a refreshing crispness and added to the romantic atmosphere that the elaborate fireworks provided.

As predicted, the display itself was magnificent, a bigger spectacle even than the year before. The teachers had organised it thus in order to distract everyone from their thoughts and worries about Black, and the Halloween break-in. Overall it was successful; the school was in higher spirits than it had been all year, save the early evening hours of Halloween itself. However, what was not escapable was the tone of danger in the air. It hung heavily over the staff like thick smog, and imprinted on many of the students too. There was almost a sense of anticipation, as the teachers stood in a loose formation around the young witches and wizards, grouped into their houses and carefully watched. Dumbledore regretted it should come to this, that he and his staff should all be on guard so when they were traditionally supposed to enjoy this night. Even worse, he was deeply saddened that the students should experience such trepidation, after the previous week's festivities ended on a sour note, the very least they could have was a carefree bonfire night. Whilst many did, predominantly the younger ones, it was clear for all to see that not all were relaxed.

Remus Lupin had been positioned close to a few older groups of Ravenclaw students. Jack and Bec were most disappointed by this as they, above all others, had hoped to subtly glug at Jack's concealed Firewhiskey. In fact they were complaining about it as the climax of the display was reached, and the sounds of whizzes and explosions were replaced by cheers and applause. The pair were still bemoaning their enforced sobriety as the usual group traipsed back to the tower. The fact that Jack placed the blame predominantly at Lupin's door prompted some sharp responses from Lara. In turn her readiness to defend him led to a few jokes and inappropriate comments at her expense. It was this that Lara reflected on the most as she gazed out of the dormitory window, where she sat alone as the Firewhiskey was finally consumed downstairs in the common room.

- - -

The reality of it was, Lara was increasingly dedicated her mind space to Professor Lupin, and it was now really beginning to worry her. Although ultimately she knew no harm would come of it, the teasing from her friends was slightly dangerous. If the wrong person overheard, and she failed to nullify the rumour, things could get out of hand. The last thing she wanted was for Lupin to have to worry about a schoolgirl crush – or at least rumours of one. She knew her behaviour around him, and whenever his name was mentioned for that matter, was far from ordinary for the average student, and however annoyed she was with her friends for their insensitive handling of it, she was somewhat glad of the attention. Her needs for attention however were not of paramount importance here. She had to consider Lupin; she had to consider her own behaviour, and couldn't let people worry too much.

She resolved there and then, looking over the water and tapping her fingers impatiently upon the desk, that it was going to stop. Her relations with and reactions regarding Lupin were going to be neutralised. She would tone down her interest in him, would refrain from the non-compulsory conversation with him, and would most definitely not allow her eyes or lips to give away anything of suspicion.

"It's not that I'm 'getting over' him," she told herself. "Obviously. What's to get over? I'm just... I'm backing off. I'm "keeping it cool". For that lot... for an easy life... for my own sanity."


	20. I Want You To Notice When I'm Not Around

**Heylo, quite a short and uneventful chapter here, sorry! It's more build-up for the next chapter than anything, and it's probably not worth the amount of time it's taken for me to write and post! Hope it's all right though, I'm slowly starting to introduce some relevant things for the development of the story... tho I'd be kidding myself if I said there was a massive plot going on! I should really stop talking this down or I'll run out of readers =(  
****Let me know what you think anyways... **

'Keeping it cool' surprisingly did seem to work to some extent. In the next few weeks Lara's friends eased off the Lupin-related mocking and resumed a more casual form of banter. She had been careful not to act as though she disliked their Professor, but she no longer visibly leapt to attention when his name was mentioned. In lessons she bit her tongue several times to refrain from improper remarks and kept conversation with Lupin to a strictly professional tone. If he noticed the change, he didn't show it. He did detect some difference when one day she showed up late to a lesson, but appeared completely nonchalant and unabashed.

"Decided to join us have you Lara?" he asked with a smirk when she sat down without a word.

"Sorry Professor," was her simple reply.

"Is that it?" Lupin probed light-heartedly, eyebrows raised with amusement. "No comeback, no one-liners? No criticisms?" Lara looked up at him calmly and genuinely apologetically.

"I've no excuse. I just lost track of time," she said with a faint smile and proceeded to empty her bag onto the desk next to a bemused Bec. Lupin paused for a moment, looking at her quizzically. This was unusual, and he didn't much like it, even though he knew it was how things should be. "It won't happen again," Lara added.

"Right," he said finally, blinking away his confusion and getting back to business, explaining how the rest of the lesson was going to pan out. Lara was perfectly behaved and conscientious throughout, to a degree that she was disappointed in herself. 'For the good of the cause,' she repeated silently.

An hour later, as the lesson came to an end and the room began to empty, Bec grabbed hold of Simon and separated away from Lara with the old excuse of "prefect duties!" Lara rolled her eyes but left them to it.

"What's going on?" Bec asked him, still clearly bemused. It was apparent at once what she was referring to.

"Oh, you've noticed too?" Simon frowned. It wasn't really a question.

"Well I'm glad it's not just me." Bec went on; craning her neck to ensure Lara was out of the way. "That was... different."

"I know, I've been noticing changes for a few days now," Simon said, pulling at his ear thoughtfully. "I guess it's a good sign. Maybe it was just a phase."

"Hmmm." Bec didn't sound convinced. "I hope you're right, but I detect it's not as simple as all that."

"Probably not," he agreed. "But there's not much we can do. Lara evidently won't want to talk about it. In fact, I don't think she's mentioned him for a good while now."

"So just keep up an observance?" Bec suggested, for the lack of a better plan.

"Business as usual, no aggravation, I suggest."

"I'll be on my best behaviour."

Even if Lara's closest friends were dubious about her apparent change of heart, the rest of the group took her indifference as a sign to move on. Both Jack and Jo attempted to get a reaction by moaning about one of Lupin's lessons and making a casual dig at his appearance respectively, but neither incitement was successful. Ultimately, they gave up and consigned the "whole Lupin affair" – as it had become affectionately known – to history as old news.

All in all, the plan worked. At least, it did so temporarily.

* * *

The morning after the November full moon, Remus missed the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw sixth year class again. Of the days he had been 'ill', and all the lessons that were changed or cancelled as a result, it was that class that seemed to be losing out the most. It was quite inconvenient as they were at a vital stage in their schooling, and Lupin had voiced concerns about being an absentee teacher when Dumbledore offered him the job, but the Headmaster had decreed it was a necessary sacrifice. One lesson a month, at the most, he had said, was hardly a loss they should split hairs about. Nonetheless Remus could not help but feel guilty, as per his natural disposition, for those, and all other classes, he could not attend.

He was not to know his absence would be greeted with less disappointment this month, nor should he realise the level of feeling it had incurred last time. When word of his "illness" reached the Gryffindor common room via the second year class, Isabella felt it was her duty to inform her Ravenclaw friends as soon as possible. She didn't want them all turning up to class to find nobody there. It was in Transfiguration that she was able to break the news, when she caught up with Lara; the two of them often opted to sit together as Astronomy followed presently.

"Extra free period today," she said with a smile as she swung into the seat beside Lara.

"Astronomy cancelled?" Lara asked hopefully. The homework she had completed the night before was far from exemplary and she prayed for more time to improve on it.

"No, no such luck. Though I wish it was the way that homework assignment went! Nah, Lupin's off again."

"Lucky Lupin," Lara responded with attempted nonchalance, in spite of the irritation she immediately felt. Annoyingly, curiosity got the better of her. "How do you know, anyway?"

"Second years should have had him first period, said they had Snape covering."

"Lucky second years!" Lara laughed.

"Hear hear, glad we just get to have the lesson off... You happy about it then?" Izzy was sceptical about Lara's reaction to the news.

"About having a lesson off? No, I'm obviously miserable about having a relaxing hour!"

"All right, all right!" Izzy bit at her thumbnail and considered. "I just thought you liked Defence Against The Dark Arts lessons this year..."

"I do," Lara said a bit too quickly. "I mean, yeah, I do, generally. I'd still opt for a free period though, wouldn't you?"

"Sure. Just find it a bit odd that Professor Lupin's missed 2 of our lessons already, and it's not even Christmas. He was ill last month for a couple of days too I seem to remember..." Izzy mused over the situation, but Lara was prevented from responding by the loud and decisive entry of McGonagall.

Regardless of the complexity of the lesson - the struggle to change the pattern on a vase without editing the shape or size of the object itself – Lara couldn't help but consider what Izzy had said about Lupin's absences. This was the third time that term that he had been unwell, and those were only the times she knew of. He might have had many more days struggling with his health; he might have a serious problem. Despite herself, and her new-found nonchalance towards the Professor, she was worried. He was still a young man, but he had always looked a bit pale and underfed. Perhaps there really was something wrong.

With the startling thought, the vase now seemed an even greater challenge.

* * *

After the lesson had finally finished, and Astronomy had dragged on almost as much, Lara met up with Simon to go to lunch. He greeted her with a smile then shouted over her head at a third year to put his wand away whilst in the corridor.

"Sorry about that! Those vases were reluctant to change their spots hey?"

"Mmm," Lara agreed, noticeably still distracted. "Defence Against the Dark Arts is off this afternoon by the way."

"Oh yeah?" Simon scanned her face for any sign of disappointment but found none. "Again? That man's a walking sick note! ... or a massive skive."

"Well so it would appear," Lara said compliantly. "Still, an afternoon off is an afternoon off!"

They walked on in silence to the Great Hall and slid onto the benches alongside Jack and Fabio; the girls nowhere to be seen.

"Hey Lara, have you heard about Lupin?" Jack asked, without a trace of his usual jollity. It instantly worried her, and she fought to contain her concern.

"No?" she queried softly. "What about him?"

"Skipping our lesson again," Fabio replied with a touch of dismay. Lara inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh that, yes I'd heard."

"And why don't you sound happier about it?!" Simon asked pointedly at Jack who still hadn't started eating. Jack struggled to think of a believable response.

"Ahhh well.... y'know..." he slurred, and took a long slurp from his steaming mug. "Shite, that's hot! I was just starting to enjoy wee Loopy's lessons!"

"Is that right?" Simon voiced his scepticism but was happy to let the question hang on the air.

"Where is everyone?" Lara asked after a lengthy silence whilst the lads loaded their plates. She had very little appetite and at first just watched with slight disgust at their ravenous behaviour. The boys exchanged calculated looks and flickered eyebrow signals for a few moments before Fabio granted an explanation.

"Library," he said hurriedly.

"The library?!" Lara exclaimed. "At lunch? Do they not know we have a free period?"

"Actually, no," Fabio replied with an almost-convincing look of wide-eyed shock. "We'd not told them, they've been there for an hour now... That's a point boys, I should take them all the message so they can get some food sorted." Jack and Simon murmured in agreement.

"Well, I can go?" Lara offered. "I'm not really hungry..."

"NO!" Fabio and Simon protested in unison.

"Nnnff!" Jack spluttered, through a mouthful of bread and a fraction of a second behind.

Lara jumped. "What the-?"

"No," Simon repeated calmly. "You need to have lunch young lady, I've been watching you and you're under-eating." Lara looked aghast at the accusation and was about to protest. "No arguments," Simon over-enunciated, playing his part well. "I'll go fetch the others. Save me a slice of cake or something if I don't come back."

Lara gaped at him while Fabio nodded earnestly and Jack placed a sandwich under her nose.

"Eat," Simon said with some finality. "See you soon." And with that, he was gone.

"What the hell was that about?" Lara eked out slowly. To prove a point, to herself more than the boys, she took a large bite of the sandwich. "Is it just me or is he crazy?"

"He's crazy," Jack agreed.

"Don't know where all that came from," Fabio added honestly.

"Wants to be top dog," Jack suggested, light-heartedly.

"Wants to be seen escorting several ladies to luncheon more likely!" Fabio chuckled.

"How're you doing anyway, Lara?" Jack asked genuinely.

Thus Lara was distracted from asking any more questions on the absence of her friends, and was led away from the table before they arrived to dine. And thus the two young men succeeded in their part of Mission "don't let Lara realise we're planning her a party." And thus Lara, who had hardly even remembered it was her birthday the following week, was none the wiser. Although, naturally, it was caused more by her worry for Lupin than by the evasion tactics of her friends!


End file.
